"Alas but if only he had managed to acquire a domestic partner", he moans. "Ha ha, very funny", I reply. It seems that his theory on life and living is that he must find a woman to care for him before he perishes, alone and malnourished, a mere skeleton of the man that he could have been. I'm really not sure how he has managed to survive thus far because he appears to be under the impression that starvation for him is possibly but minutes away? This man has no concept of domestic independence.

My boyfriend cannot cook, during the course of his fifty some years on this earth he has managed to acquire the skills to successfully prepare two dishes, oatmeal and meatloaf and both of which he assures me, he is long past the point of enjoying. Logically, he wants nothing more than to marry, and live happily ever after "chowing down" on his wife's home cooked fares.

I on the other hand would like to see him just a wee bit more self sufficient before I offer my hand to him in wedded bliss. I am after all an assertive woman and I have absolutely no desire to become my man's domestic slave. So with all my worldly wisdom I decide that the way to solve or premarital conflict is to start giving my guy some experience in the kitchen area. (AKA: By creating myself a real man! One with some degree of cooking skills.)

I decided to start off simple enough by teaching my potential mate how to make one of the most basic dishes that I could think of, that being the creation of "Jello", how difficult could that be?

Yeah right! Simple enough I had thought, but after staring into his terrified eyes and answering a barrage of questions on the complexity of creating Jello, I began to realize exactly how difficult Jello actually is to make. How foolish of me to have forgotten.

First lesson was showing him where exactly on the box the directions were located because, "having the list of ingredients on the same box as the directions can be very confusing you know!" Yeah, I was kind of wondering if we had any adipic acid too?

Next came the really hard questions, how long do we have to boil the water and do we have to add sugar? How long do we have to stir it? Have I stirred it long enough now? Where do you get the cold water from? Should we put a lid on it? I kept having to look at him just to make sure that he was really serious, and yep, he was honestly confused by these little details!

I could tell that my task was not going to be an easy one and I was beginning to see images of myself as an eighty year old spinster.

Thankfully though, our afternoon of learning how to create Jello did come to a successful conclusion, and he looked pretty relieved as his first adventure in cooking 101 ended. I put the Jello in the fridge to set, and explained to him that it would have to sit overnight, but that it would be ready to eat the next morning. Then I wiped down the counter, and as he reached over to hug me his final question was, "How long before you know when you are going to move in?"

I'm thinking, "Don't worry hon, it'll be before your weight gets below 100 pounds."

Learn more about this author, Ladymermaid.
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