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As I stare into the mirror, I see only a remnant of my life as it used to be. My transformation did not happen in an instant. In fact, it took several years
I believed I had it all. I had married my soul mate. Not long after marriage I was blessed with the birth of twin boys after being told I may never conceive. I had two jobs I loved, leadership positions in my church, a nice home, family and friends. We were not monetarily rich, but we were rich in faith and love.

But, life as I knew it started to unravel about nine years ago. It began with daily migraines, stomach problems and pain that ravaged my body. From there it has progressed to many more symptoms.
I missed a day of work, then two, and then a month passed. The minutes ticked by so slowly that I felt each day was longer than the one before. I went to many different doctors all the while hearing the same things"I don't know what's wrong with you. You're an interesting case. Your test results were normal, but maybe you have.", I heard every diagnosis imaginable.
Finally, after four years, I had a new physician that was determined to find an answer. She agreed that I had suffered enough. After a battery of tests I learned that I had lupus.and that's where it all began. I was used to tests being negativeand now, it seems nothing would ever be normal again. She referred me to specialists and I am fortunate to have a wonderful team of doctors.
To make a long story short, I now have a dozen diagnoses, have to take many medications and suffer with chronic symptoms. I have lost both jobs and can only participate in activities sporadically. I have been home bound for over two years because I lost my driver's license. I am fighting for state disability payments. I gained fifty pounds from medications. I am a 37 year old trapped in an 80 year old body.
I believe everything happens for a reason and you have to make the best of whatever your situation is. Do I get depressed? Sure, who doesn't at some point in their lives? I often feel as if I am sitting idle while the whole world passes me by. I dream of traveling and experiencing some normalcy in my life. I could have a pity party but I have "pulled up my big girl panties" and dealt with it. Several people have called me "Job of the twentieth century".
I am a new and improved version of myself as a result of my illness. I value my life, family and friends more. As Maya Angelou said, "I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it."
Even though my reflection is different, I am proud of who is staring back at me.

Learn more about this author, Beth Schloe.
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