While this article is going to focus on being a step-Dad, it is aimed not only at men but also at women with children who intend to re-marry. Being a step-Dad in many ways is really no different from being a Dad, but comes with it's own challenges and extra responsibilities.

First there is the mindset needed in order to be an ideal step-Dad. And this mindset has to do with how the children are viewed. Sadly it is too often the case that a man will meet a woman, they develop into a relationship that moves into marriage and the children are seen as an "unavoidable part of the deal". This should not be the case. These children are not 'baggage' or conciliations.. they are one of the most important parts of that woman's life. As such they need to become the most important part of the future step-Dad's life.

There is a 'natural' love 'most' men have for their own, hereditary children. This is the sort of love the step-Dad has to have as his goal with the new children in his life. It may happen slowly or fall into place right away. But loving these children as individuals rather than taking the mindset of just 'tolerating' them has to be priority. Without this so many problems arise leading to division in the family, jealousy and insubordination of authority. A new step-Dad may have the willingness and be putting forth the effort to grow into this relationship with the kids, but the kids may have trouble adapting to this and need their own time to adjust to it. Tied in to this mindset of adopting the new children into one's heart is the assumption of authority, leadership and responsibility for these kids.

Regarding authority, the step-Dad is every bit as responsible and in authority for the discipline of the children as the Mother. They are to be parents together for the sake of their children's welfare. This is where far too many couples do not discuss this area, to their own demise, before making wedding vows. Too many men are willing to default all discipline and authority over the kids to their natural Mother. This undermines the step-Dad's place of authority in the home. It encourages the atmosphere over time for a child to come to the conclusion, "He may be my step-Dad, but only Mom calls the shots in my life." Just as in a first-marriage, husband and wife need to be on the same page in regards to how discipline and authority will be applied in the household. They must be in agreement so that any decision one makes, the other will reinforce it so

• 1
• 2
• 3
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Testimonies: What it means to be a step-parent?
We want to hear your view. Write now!