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I was sitting in church when our pastor started discussing the top three reasons for divorce. Number one was lack of communication. Everything that goes wrong in a marriage can be traced back to lack of communication.

Whether an affair, money issues, or sex problems led to the decision to split they can all be traced back to lack of communication.

For example, a wife begins having an emotional affair with a co-worker. She is obviously missing something in her marriage - her husband doesn't listen to her hopes and dreams, he doesn't offer her encouragement, or he doesn't praise and adore her. She has failed to tell her husband what she needs and expects from him. And her husband has obviously failed in speaking his feelings of admiration for her.

My pastor also mentioned that marriages are ruined by three things that are left unsaid everyday. If one person took the time to say thank you for taking the trash out or I appreciate that you always get the laundry done in such a timely manner the marriage would be more stable and loving.

Husbands and wives get too comfortable in a marriage, they forget to shower the other with words of affection and praise. It is so important to your spouse every day how much you love and appreciate them, you can't assume that they already know. They need words of affirmation and acceptance every day.

My pastor also mentioned that once there is a lack of communication the whole relationship begins to fall apart. This is because women hold the sex card and men hold the money card. He listed off some statistics that said something along the lines of: men would rather have an affair than talk to their wives about sex. And even though women love to talk endlessly, money is one subject they refuse to talk to their husband about.

Husband and wives need to create an environment that is open, where they can go to each other with their problems and be certain that they won't be belittled. They need to find comfort in communication with the other person.

Here is a link to my pastor's sermons, scroll down and look for Desperate Husband and Wives Parts 1, 2 and 3: http://www.centralcommunity.or g/messages/07sermon.html

These are great sermons, even if you don't attend church regularly. He's done a tremendous amount of research on marriage and he adds quite a bit of humor to ease up the tension on such a touchy subject.

Learn more about this author, Ashley M Woods.
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