There are many ways that you can keep the non-custodial parent involved in the lives of your children. You must be willing to put aside anger and bitterness to achieve this. Remember, your children did not ask to be put in this situation. They love both of their parents and want both parents to be involved in their lives. For whatever reason, it didn't work, it's not their (the child-ren) fault.

As a custodial parent, I do my utmost to make sure that their absent parent is kept up to date of all comings and goings in their lives.

He receives a calendar each month with all school activities listed as well as times to be there, etc.

The most important thing, is that even though we are no longer married, we talk weekly about the children. If there is a behavior issue that needs both parents involved, he is notified. If there is a problem with school, grades, attitude, etc., he is notified.

If the children are down or up, in their moods, he is aware of it.

He can call the children any time he wants, up to a certain hour at night and they can call him at any time as well. In the day of email, and text messages, staying in contact is relatively easy.

Their father has a job that keeps him away a lot, but they know he is always there for them.

The biggest problem most custodial parents face is feeling like they are raising the child(ren) alone and do not have backup for when rules fail. You have to get over the anger, sadness and bitterness that caused your marriage to fall apart in the first place. Keep the non-custodial parent involved as much as possible. Show the children that you can be adults when it comes to their care. Most non-custodial parents feel cheated, and miss out on so many of the "little" things that happen.

Maybe you can make a weekly journal and send it to them.

I do realize that there are some situations, where it is not safe or practical for the non-custodial parent to be involved. At those times, you have to be the adult and let your child(ren) know that you love them very much. But never ever bad mouth the other parent.

God gives us these children as gifts here on Earth. We need to teach them to be kind, polite, well mannered, but mostly that they are loved. They need to learn that sometimes mom and dad just can't get along, but it has nothing to do with them.
Teach them to write letters to the other parent. If for whatever reason, the absent parent decides not to stay involved in the lives of their children, that is their loss.

Just stop and think, how would I feel, if I was in their (absent parent) shoes? I would still want to know what is going on in my children's lives whether I was there on a full time basis or not.

Many of us take our children for granted. We wait too long to get involved. Sometimes waiting for the "right time" to become involved in their lives, leads to the child(ren) feeling unloved and unwanted.

Extend the olive branch to the other parent, if you haven't done so yet. At one time you must have loved each other enough to have a child, don't stop showing that love to your children, even if you really don't like the other parent. Show your children that you can be grown up. That you are giving the other parent the opportunity to be involved in their lives. If they choose not to be, console the child, hug them, love them and let them learn.

Being a parent is the toughest job I have ever had, but also the most rewarding. And I know for a fact, that although, my ex and I may not agree on anything else, the welfare and wellbeing of our children is our top priority. Make sure you make it yours.

Learn more about this author, Carlene Wooddell.
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