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This is not one of those flowering, I found myself articles. It is not an uplifting, how I found Mr. Right articles. But, it is mine.
When I met my husband, I really did not like him very much. He was a pain in the neck who would not leave me alone. I thought well, maybe if I go out with him he would see he really did not like me and would leave me alone. (Look at all the money he would have saved if he had just listened in the first place.)

Well, needless to say, if we are divorced then apparently we went on more than one date.
What kills me is we were not married just one time....NOOOOO, I married him twice. It was LOVE. Shows why I do not get paid to think...
After the first divorce I was totally devastated. I cried for days. Well, actually month's. I thought I would never love anyone like I loved this man.
I accepted all the blame for any and every problem that there had been in the relationship.
When I started to get on my feet. When I had found a job I liked (HE did not want me to work, he wanted to take care of me.). When I found a nice little apartment that I could call mine. (When I did not need him any more) there he was.
Apparently he no longer was bored with me (which is one of his reasons for wanting a divorce) and all of my flaws magically disappeared. I once again was "the girl of his dreams."
I apparently forgot all the pain, the headaches, the heartaches. He promised (which he told me later a promise is made to be broken) to love me always, that he wanted to sit on a porch in our golden years in a pair of rocking chairs. I fell for it hook line and sinker.... I can remember friends telling me to be careful... I was rushing it. Nah, not me. I knew. I wanted to be with him always. Which was true. I did. I wanted the fairy tale.
Then one day, right, you guessed it the fairy tale ended. He came in one day and said "I don't think I want to be married anymore." What in the world is that? You don't think you want to be married anymore? Either you do or you are to afraid to just say I know this is going to mess you up completely but, I really don't care. I don't like you and want to sow more wild oats before I get to old to have anyone notice.
I know that this was something I felt deep inside was inevitable. It does not matter how much one person wants something to last, if two do not it just won't happen.
I no longer take people at face value. I watch, I listen, I study. Show me don't tell me crap. You can tell me anything, but, what I see you do is much more important.
I no longer believe that there will be a fairy tale ending in my life, I do, however, believe I will find peace in the end.
I no longer pine for the man or the marriage. The pain I felt has turned into a shield I use to either protect myself or to hide behind, either way I do know that I will survive.

Learn more about this author, Johnna Lyttle.
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