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Rules, rules and more rules. Our children may not understand why we use them until they are much older but to keep some structure and stability, we as parents must use them. One of the most argued by teenagers rules is the age old "curfew".

Why do we use curfews? Parent's need to know where their children are at night for safety reasons! and also to keep some sort of handle on bedtimes and mealtimes. The typical curfew for meals getting your child to call to let you know where they are is normal. Really these are not 'curfew's as such but rules that are just known. After reaching a reasonable age for your child to be going out with their friends on their own, rules need to be set.Now is the time to start picking a time for them to be home at night and to be sure to let you know if there are any changes in their plans.

Generally, the earlier in life you begin a curfew the easier it is to stick to it. Children will expect it and often ask what time you want them to be home. Once your child starts to understand routines they can learn what a curfew is like. With my 4 year old, he knows at 7:30, playtime is over and its time for pj's, snack and then stories...8:00 its bedtime. This is what works with us. Many other families may have a similar bedtime routine that they follow as well. This routine is beginning to prepare your child for the demands of school and work when they are older.

So, supper over at a friends house on a school night for your 10 year old. If the child is walking or biking and supper is at 6 than have a curfew of either 8 or before dark whichever works best for you. Your 14 year old wants to go to the mall with her friends on a Friday night? Well, assuming the mall closes at 9 why not have her home by 9:30-10? Maybe for your child that time is too late, make it a bit earlier.

Curfews get more difficult as you child gets older. They start attending parties or concerts and wanting more time out. So for a 16 year old, going to a Saturday night party maybe 12 is a good time? If they are just at a friends house than maybe that time should be earlier so as their friends parent's aren't being kept up late. Maybe say 10ish? The amount of time spent out is not a real issue...children will see their friends at school the next day anyways. It is improtant to have yoru child home before trouble starts brewing or friend's parents get upset with how late your child is at their home.

It seems most of the times curfews depend on the families involved. One helpful hint is if you include your child in the decision for curfews and discuss with them why the curfew is being placed it will go over better. Your child needs to know that the curfew is for their safety, especially if you live in a busy city. Working with you to decide a time for being home, helps them to understand you mean what's best for them.

As rules were made to be broken, for some children apparently curfews are meant to be as well. If being late becomes a habit, you may like to try this tactic. If your son or daughter is 5 minutes late than take 5 minutes off their curfew time. For example if "Joey" was supposed to be home from a friends at 11pm but doesn't arrive home until 11:15 pm, next time he goes out he needs to be home by 10:45pm. Keep taking the time away until you can rely on your child to return home at the agreed time...soon they will hate not being out as late as others and start to be on time. When you think they have been arriving on time long enough than start moving the time back up as you feel is reasonable.

With some discussion and maybe a few hearbreaks, your child and you will manage to come up with a schedule that works best for your family.

Learn more about this author, Callista Meyer.
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