1 of 4

Write now Article Tools

As a recovering anorexic, as one never fully recovers, I have come to realize that I need one thing above all others: connections. For nearly a decade after first developing anorexia, I was instructed by my parents, especially my dad, to care for myself. I needed to get good grades, exercise regularily, regulate my emotions (I was a very angry and violent person) and numerous other self-maintaning actions. Yet, I feel that many anorexics don't care for themselves "pracically"; how could one explain anorexia nervioso otherwise. Anorexics do not want to care for themselves as others do.

How do others care for themselves. In pracitical ways. What does it mean to care for onself practically? In all my thinking. I've realized that one must disconnect onself from the world around them; we can't think too much about others to practically care for themselves. Surely this makes sense, as one has a fundmental right and perhaps duty to care for onself.

Yet, I have found that I desperately seek to connect with others. Shockingly if I feel that I am not well-connected with others, I cannot care for myself. Thus my connections to others come before caring for myself; I am greatly dependent on the metaphysical concept of the Other. This is obviously a problem, for sometimes others just do not want to connect with you. When I was younger I had trouble socializing, as I wanted badly to connect to others. Thus I became angry at people when I felt they were not connecting deeply enough with me, though at the time I didn't realize this was the cause for my anger. So I lashed back, and treated many people terrible to become popular. I realize now that I wanted to get popular so that people would be forced to connect with me, even if on a superficial level. Yet, this superficial level was not enough for me: shortly after I become popular I developed anorexia.

Clearly, it was not the quantity of possible people to connect with that I craved; but it was the abillity to connect deeply and qualtively with others. So, I eventually made some great friends and began to learn how to care practically for myself. But soon this was not enough; my need to connect with others goes beyound my family and my small circle of close friends. I've come to realize that I must allow connecting deeply with others to be the top priority in my life, and that I must be free to connect with whomever I feel like. I can't become enclosed into a life of my family and few great friends.

So, I have ceded my practical ideas of caring for myself to my passionate need to connect qualitively with as many people as possible. I now read much humanistic literature, and am trying to learn how to accept that I cannot be like most people. Hopefully this helps shed light on perhaps a major cause of anorexia nervioso: an unbridled need to connect with others that outweighs concerns for practical self maintence. Furthermore, if anorexics take responsibility for themselves and there need to connect to others, they can hopefully live productive and even very enjoyable lives. I sure will try to do both.

Learn more about this author, Alex Konar.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Individual vulnerabilities that may lead to anorexia?
We want to hear your view. Write now!