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asked him, You must be crazy, when are you going to stop believing in something that isn't true?' and he replied, When you stop believing in that fellow with the red suit and the white beard who goes ho, ho, ho.'" Brown grimaced. "We are obviously separated by denominational differences."

Lucille Van Pelt went on to say that her annual tradition is to wake at, "About 4:00 am" on November 1 and to retrieve "that stupid brother of mine in the pumpkin patch making his yearly fool of himself." But this year, her alarm clock failed to wake her due to the wind storm that knocked down power lines and a kite-eating tree.

Also puzzling investigators is why Sally Brown returned to the pumpkin patch. Witnesses state that Brown had elected not to go trick or treating or to a Halloween party, and when the "Great Pumpkin" failed to appear she got into a heated argument with Van Pelt, shouting, "Trick-or-treats only come once a year, and I missed it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead! What a fool I was! You owe me restitution!" Several witnesses questioned why a five year old would even know let alone use a word like "restitution" but all agreed that Sally Brown then left the pumpkin patch with them. So apparently, she returned later, perhaps to exact revenge or reconcile with the young man she refers to as, "her sweet baboo."

Linus Van Pelt regained consciousness in his hospital bed and issued the following statement: "Hypothermia. I'm doomed. One little slip like that can cause the Great Pumpkin to pass you by." He then asked for more Demerol.

The Department of Social Services has taken temporary custody of Sally Brown and the Van Pelts until their parents have been located, a task that may proved daunting:

Pinecrest has been under intense media scrutiny since at least the early 1950s because of an apparent lack of adult supervision, or for that matter, any adults at all. All of the children this reporter interviewed explained that they have never seen an adult and that their parents are often spoken of but never seen.

Counselors were dispatched to Pinecrest Elementary School this morning to counsel the children and reinforce that while religious diversity is important, it's necessary to receive parental permission before staying out all night in a pumpkin patch, and to check the weather first.

Van Pelt's teacher at Pinecrest Elementary School, Miss Othmar, speaking to reporters, summed up everyone's feelings with a heartfelt, "Mwah wah wah mah, wha wahhhh." The school principal added, "Wah. Mwah wahwah Mahwah wahhhhh mah."

Learn more about this author, Robert Gillis.
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