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It's Halloween and my favorite TV special is, "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown." I was two years old when it premiered in 1966 and I never missed an airing, and the DVD is watched at least twice a year. But upon closer inspection, Charlie Brown's world is a little odd, and that got me thinking (never a good thing on a slow news day) what if Charlie Brown and his world was real? How would a newspaper report the events of that fateful Halloween?

Pinecrest, November 1 State and local authorities are investigating why two young children nearly died of hypothermia in a Birchwood pumpkin patch on Halloween night.

Linus Van Pelt, 7, and Sally Brown, 5, both of the area, were found in the Shultz Farm pumpkin patch about five o'clock this morning, covered only in a small blue blanket. Both were wearing summer clothes and neither was wearing a coat, despite temperatures dropping to the low 30s overnight.

Discovered by a passing beagle wearing World War I flight goggles, the pair was rushed to the local hospital where they are expected to make a full recovery.

Van Pelt's sister, Lucille, 9, explained that her brother makes an annual pilgrimage to the pumpkin patch each Halloween to, "Wait for the Great Pumpkin." According to the boy's Myspace.com blog for October 31, "Tonight the Great Pumpkin will rise out of the pumpkin patch. He flies through the air and brings toys to all the children of the world."

The Van Pelt family pediatrician confirmed that Linus Van Pelt has been under medical care for some time and suffers from delusions.

This newspaper's elite team of medical investors spent hours researching "delusion" and learned from two very respectable medical websites (Wikipedia and WhatsWrongWithMe.org) that a "delusion" is an unshakable belief in something untrue. These irrational beliefs defy normal reasoning, and remain unyielding even when overwhelming proof is offered to dispute them. Delusions are a common symptom of several mood and personality-related mental illnesses.

But is Linus Van Pelt delusional, or a victim of religious persecution? The ACLU has expressed interest in the case, citing that the Great Pumpkin case could be groundbreaking, adding that delusions are distinct from culturally or religiously based beliefs that may be seen as untrue by outsiders (see also: Santa Claus, Zankou, Barbas, Zule the destructor, Britney Spears, etc).

Adding fuel to the "religious" aspect of the Great Pumpkin is Van Pelt's BFF Charles "Charlie" Brown, who explained, "I

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