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I have always found giving my children a choice rather than a command had more lasting benefits than trying to be the all powerful queen of my castle. For the most part that is. There are certain things that are and will always remain non-debatable. Brushing teeth, being polite, respecting elders, not lying or using foul language etc. But, there are situations where a choice makes more sense than a command.

When we allow our children to choose, they learn there is a reward or a consequence as a direct result of that choice. We empower them to free think and contemplate. They learn the life required skill of reasoning. If we never give them a chance to think about what may happen if they choose this or choose that, we thwart a crucial ability they will need to become productive and self sufficient members of society.

As adults were are faced with hundreds of choices everyday. Go to work today or skip it and take a loss in my next paycheck? Go shopping tonight and hit the last day of the sales or go tomorrow and spend a bit more? Answer the phone or not? Cook or get takeout? On and on, day after day we make choices, all of them affecting our lives, whether in a big way or a small one.

Our children should be exposed to choice making at an early age. The more practice they get when they are young, the better they'll be at it when they reach the teenage years and then adulthood.

There are hidden benefits in giving choices also. For instance, at bedtime I give my 7 year old the choice of going directly to sleep with lights out or laying quietly in bed with a few books to read, for 15-20 minutes. Which do you think she inevitably chooses? The hidden benefit is, her little impressionable mind is absorbed in an activity that broadens her intellect and re-enforces the skill of reading.

Another benefit of giving choice is that it can be taken away for misbehavior and breaking the rules. Isn't that in essence what happens to some adults when they make poor choices? You are free to vote for your countries leaders and bear arms right? When you break the law these rights are taken from you if your conviction is felonious in nature.

Choice only takes away your parental control if you allow it to. Give your child the choice of carrots or peas for dinner. If they refuse to eat either, the consequence is no dessert. They've learned the repercussions of a choice, or lack thereof either way.

They won't always make the wiser choice. Did you? Do you? Don't be afraid to share your bad choices with them. It helps them to understand you're not perfect and you don't expect them to be. Additionally, they're more likely to open up to you about their own thoughts and feelings. You will however, get them thinking about the consequence of a poor choice the next time a similar one arises in their life.

We are all born with the God given right to choose. Teach your children the rewards and consequences of their choices when they are small, and they are more likely to make wise choices when they grow up.

It's not a guarantee, but they stand a better chance at it if they've had some practice.

Learn more about this author, Cyndi Li.
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