by Nathan Kim

Created on: October 17, 2007

Being supremely secure in my masculinity, I would like share my thoughts on the subtleties of the man-to-man hug. I think it's fascinating how there seems to be a very strict unspoken protocol when it comes to this. I don't think I'm an authority on this, but I've hugged my fair share of guys... ehem... I mean... uh... where did I put that power drill?... Anyway, most guys know there is a line that is just not crossed when it comes to showing affection toward one another, but I think to explain it as being motivated by homophobia is too simplistic. I think it's as natural for a guy to want to retain his sense of masculinity by acting a certain way as it is for a woman to want to appear more feminine by acting in certain other ways. I don't think that most women by wanting to seem more feminine by doing something (like not belching in public) would be labeled as not wanting to look like a lesbian.

Of course my observations are only limited to the culture in most parts of the U.S. Though, I found that living in the South, it was more acceptable to hug people in general than here in the Mid-Atlantic States. The two most important things to remember is who you can hug and how to actually do it.

Who to hug:

This list can not be too long lest it looks like you're just giving it away.

Immediate family members: father, brothers, non-creepy uncles, and most cousins... in-laws on a case by case basis.
Childhood friends: Hey if they've seen you cry because you dropped your sno-cone at 7, there's really not that much else you need to hide from them.
Other good friends you haven't seen in at least six months: Six months is long enough to actually be glad to see someone again. The six month rule can be waived for any of the reasons below.
Someone you just won a major sporting event with: The window of opportunity for this closes within one hour of the end of the event... meaning you can't say a week later, "Hey, remember us winning that horseshoes tournament last week? That was great... let's hug." - Uh, no.
Someone who just saved your life or at least from major bodily injury: If they put their neck on the line for you, the least you can do is hug it.
Someone you won't see for at least the next six months: Because you don't have to look them in the eye for a half-year, then they can "look forward" to hugging you again when they get back.
How to hug:

This is crucial. In my observation there are two, maybe three, formats that are generally accepted.

The "Basic Two-Armed" Hug:
This is

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