by Pat Merewether

Created on: October 17, 2007

I worked for a child psychiatrist for several years and the kids who came to her office were quite often not 'sick' but instead were confused and angry. Their parents wanted to be their friend, not their parent, and this caused many problems. Once this was discussed and the child realized that the parents were in charge and they had to abide by the rules and curfews, or suffer the consequences, things improved dramatically.

Each child is unique and their needs have to be considered when setting limits and making rules. While one kid may be very dependable and conscientious, another may constantly testing those limits and rules. The choices are yours, but once you set the time of curfew and make the repercussions clear, stick to them.

Kids must learn that there are consequences for their actions. If you tell them that if they break curfew they will be given a punishment (like being grounded or no computer for a week, which works quite well) they are less likely to break curfew again. This may be a very long and painful week for you as well, but it's what's best for your child and that's what is important. If they don't have to suffer the consequences of their actions, you'll be fighting this battle until they leave for college and they will have missed an important life lesson that may have more severe consequences in their future.

Our house rules changed as the kids got older and became more responsible. By the time they were in high school they had jobs and school activities that made it necessary for them to have more freedom. However, their father and I had to get up early for work, so the house rule was that they had to be home by eleven on week nights and midnight on weekends, and so did we! The kids understood and respected this. It was difficult to stick by our punishments in the beginning, but once the kids learned that we really would take away their TV or computer privileges, it became much easier.

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