by Nathan Kim

Created on: October 17, 2007

I remember when I was in the 7th grade older women at church used to like talking to me. Now when I mean older women I mean as old as maybe 9th grade or something like that, but at my age at the time that's a lot. But usually the "talking" would consist of me sitting there like an idiot and the girl spilling her guts to me about something I had little understanding of. But I remember one conversation in particular with a girl who was three years my senior... we were sitting on a bench just outside the front entrance of the church. It was just the two of us waiting for our dads to get out of a deacon's meeting or something. The talk started normally enough with her complaining about how mean the girls at her school were, but then she got really quiet. I looked up from my feet to see her starting to cry. So I did what any suave, smooth-talking 12 year-old would do in the situation and froze in complete, awkward silence. After what seemed like a week and a half, she finally said, "I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm such a goody two-shoes... that I have no problems and I'm this perfect person..." I offered the best words of condolence I knew at the time and said, "Yeah, that sucks..." not really understanding what the big deal was.

I guess what I didn't understand at the time was about the strain of trying to keep up appearances for the sake of some mysterious standard we put on ourselves as "churchgoers." Don't curse, don't drink, don't smoke, and cringe at the very mention of the word "sex." Now about things like jealousy, greed, gossip, and bitterness... those aren't so bad as long as you keep it under wraps. You don't need Altoids to hide the smell of gossip on your breath. You don't have to roll down the windows in your car and empty out your change tray on the curb a block away from church to conceal your greed habit. It's just so much easier to point to external things and use that as the acid test of one's... excuse me... someone else's faith.

It's almost as if it's for the sake of the Gospel that we have to project this idyllic image of a virtuous life lest we be labeled hypocrites... as if being called something that we are actually much closer to being than not is the worst thing that can happen to us. But who out there has a virtuous life? And why are we limiting the power of the Gospel to how it makes us appear? Canon used to have the slogan "Image is Everything," and a young, handsome, well-haired Andre Agassi was their confident spokesman. And, yes,

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