It begins the moment you announce you are pregnant, and it's there to stay. You'll still be receiving a diatribe of advice when your babies are all grown up and you are helping to plan their weddings.

The only way to deal with this advice, and not drown in it, is to understand that it can be one of those "not so pleasant" parts of parenthood, that every parent has to cope with. You know, like sick stains on your clothes, tantrums in the supermarket and teenagers who "HATE YOU".

First, infuriating as it can be, you need to remember that on the whole people are trying to be caring and genuinely helpful. More often than not they will be trying to help you avoid the mistakes and struggles that they suffered themselves.

You also need to remember that on the whole people are not offering this advice because they think there are short-comings in your parenting ability. They offer the same advice to every parent or parent-to-be that they meet. They are proud of their own knowledge and want to pass it on.

I say "on the whole" because of course there are exceptions to the rule, and if you are unlucky enough to be bombarded with unwanted advice from someone who is intent on putting you down, this is a reflection of that person's short-comings, not yours.

Much as you would love to curse and give these people their pedigrees, especially when you feel like a very hormonal pregnant whale, or are pretending to not know the screaming two year old on the supermarket floor, it really is not going to help and will not stop the advice - if anything, you joining in with your own tantrum will make people think that you are really not coping.

The best course of action is to be polite, smile and utter little niceties like, "Oh, really! That's interesting! Thank you." Then smile happily as you immediately forget every word that you have just been told - no harm done.

If someone is being persistent though, offended that you are not taking their advice, or actively trying to get you to do something to your child, then and there, that you do not want to do, then you must be firm and take control. Don't shout - people who shout do not look like they are in charge or they know what they are talking about. They just look out of control which is not the desired image you want to project of yourself as a parent.

Calmly but very firmly and confidently state that you are the child's parent, decisions on raising your child rest with you and much as you appreciate the person's concern, you will not be taking their advice, thank you.

Do remember though that hidden in among the flood of unwanted advice will be some gems of wisdom, that could help you avoid heartache and sleepless nights, among other things. The "smile, say thank you and forget" method is ideal because it allows you to filter out these gems and take them with you.

Before you complain about yet another half hour spent listening to someone's stretch mark advice, be honest with yourself. Because, suddenly receiving unsolicited advice isn't the only thing that starts to happen the moment you announce you are pregnant. You start handing it out yourself too. Go on, be honest, we all do it. By the time you are 20 weeks pregnant you will be eagerly giving advice to girls still waiting to have their first scan or feel the first kick.

The truth is that parents are passionate about being parents It is the most important thing in their lives, and therefore give them a glimpse of a chance to talk about it and they will, with every last inch of enthusiasm they can muster.

Just join in and enjoy it.

Learn more about this author, Branwen Smith.
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