When thinking about advice, the words of William Alger come to mind: "We give advice by the bucket, but take it by the grain."

One inevitable aspect of being a parent is receiving unsolicited advice on child-rearing. The counsel may come from anyone, including family, friends, educators, doctors, and even complete strangers. The advice may also range from helpful to absurd. The dolling out of advice begins early, sometimes even before the birth of a child, and continues throughout the child's development. Parents are left to deal with a barrage of "helpful" hints while remaining gracious and civilized.

First and foremost, it is essential to bear in mind that most unsolicited parenting advice is given with the best of intentions. Those who offer guidance are usually veteran parents and simply want to impart words of wisdom that they perhaps had imparted upon them, or they want to share wisdom that was hard-earned through experience.

Most parents will have an initial reaction to advice that is either to find the advice useful or not useful. This may range from experiencing an epiphany to thinking that the advice is utterly ridiculous. When the advice comes from someone with whom you are acquainted, consider what you know about that person, including their children. This may be helpful in discerning how credible they are as a source of parenting advice. If their children are thriving and successful, it may be worth considering the advice.

When useful advice is offered, it is a wonderful opportunity for parents to learn from others' experiences. Take the time to ask questions and gather information. Conversely, when the advice is not useful, there are a number of ways to handle the situation with grace. Techniques behind responses can range from avoiding engaging further discussion, to informing and educating. Examples of responses include:
"Thank you, I will keep that in mind."
"I appreciate your input, but that is not in line with our parenting philosophy."
"I don't think that would be an effective approach with my child, but thank you anyway."
"The reason why do/don't do that is because.."
"That was a popular approach a few years ago, but now health care experts say that this is a safer approach."

As unsolicited advice pours in throughout the parenting experience, it is up to each parent to decide the method of dealing with those offering the advice. Parents are also tasked with discerning what advice is useful to them and their children. Keeping in mind that those who offer parenting advice have well-meaning intentions will help in deciding how to deal with the situation.

Learn more about this author, Nicolette Romero (nom de plume).
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