Losing any loved one is hard, but I have found losing a child you have personally watched grow is the hardest. I have a friend who is going into the second year of dealing with the loss of his son. As a single mother, I can't imagine what he has been going through for the past two years; however, I often listen to him and help him through it.

I often think in an attempt to help the grieving we try to act as counselors and fail to realize that most of things we are saying aren't always true. My friend was very angry, angry because people kept telling him "with time....you'll forget". What? I couldn't believe that. I am far from a counselor, but I told him that he will never forget losing his son. I think the best approach when offering support is to first listen.

I listened to every word he told me and then I told him what I felt he really needed to hear. I told him "you can choose to carry around the hurt and pain from losing your son or you can choose to carry around the love and joy from watching your son grow, regardless of the length of time". Of course he came back with the, I couldn't possibly understand response. Which was true...I couldn't, but I imagined as if I could. From there I was able to offer him the support that no one else could. It's hard to offer support when you speak to people as if we are all the same. We are individuals and we each grieve in our on way. Before we can begin to counsel someone, we must first determine how they grieve.

Learn more about this author, Lena Martin.
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