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Twenty things I never thought I would have to say in my life, but now have after having three sons, a cat, two birds, and a husband:::

1. "Don't try to stick the baby bottle up the cat's butt, and give it to me, because the baby can't drink from it now".

2. "I don't feel sorry for you. YOU bit the cat first."

3. "Sticking your hand in that bird cage is a bad... Oooh blood. Now do you get it?"

4. "Stop abusing the cat!"

5. "Picking food out of the garbage is a bad habit!"

6. "Pasta is yummy, but worms are not! Put down the worms!"

7. "Those are mommy's special woman things! Don't stick them all over your shirt! Hey don't encourage them babe!"

8. "YOUR son just threw the steak I had marinating in the fridge, into the garbage can!"

9. "Ice cream is yummy. So is ketchup. But the two together don't taste good."

10. "Don't eat the cat food, please?!"

11. "Bird seed will get stuck between your teeth."

12. "I should never have taught you how to walk or talk".

13. "No the house burning down is NOT the best way to meet all of the firemen."

14. "Sweetie your a boy. Your a three year old boy. That is why I am not going to buy you that Snow White costume for Halloween." "What's that? No you can't have it for Christmas either."

15. "Yes I HAVE met Santa Claus, and if you don't eat all of your food I'm going to call him and tell him you've been bad and can't have anything but coal for Christmas".

16. "Why oh why are we painting the walls?"

17. "My porcelain doll can't be thrown at the walls. See why now? Look she's broken."

18. "Dear I love you. But can I ask why you have that bucket on your head? Oh God, it's stuck..." "Yes, I am at the hospital, at the ER because my son has a bucket stuck on his head. YES IVE TRIED SOAP. Can we please just get some help here?"

19. "Don't eat the bath water."

20. "Using permanent marker to draw on your brother is a no-no".

21. "Yes you were very good in daddy's work. But honey, when mommy tells you to be quiet in the building, and someone talks to you, you can talk to them. You don't have to say "Mommy doesn't allow us to talk".

22. "Stop! The cat doesn't like being dressed in doll dresses!"

23. "No I don't think the cat looks better being painted green. And now he needs a bath. Thanks kids".

24. "The remote control does NOT belong in the toilet."

25. "You tried to make a cake? Okay, but why not in a bowl? It would have been so much neater than all over my floor."

Learn more about this author, Catsy Jones.
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