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My third birthday was the last I celebrated. Perhaps because it was my last birthday party that the vision of a table heaped with multi-colored eats and balloons, and tinsel party hats is so vivid. Sometime within the next twelve months, my parents got religion and that was the end of the birthday scene.

Twenty-five years ago I left that religion, but never got back into the birthday celebration rhythm.

They say that what happens during the first four years of life sets up life-long patterns. I never missed making a big deal of my birthday, which quite likely has something to do with my upbringing. However, both of my sisters who also discarded their childhood religious indoctrination, love to celebrate up big for their birthdays.

So, that makes me wonder if there's an innate personality thing that was helped along (or exacerbated by?) my childhood programming. I've had my fair share of attention, but have always described myself as a "behind the scenes person." Not saying that I have never lapped up the attention bestowed upon me either - it's just that I treasure my anonymity. And birthdays aren't exactly anonymous are they.

Over the years, well-meaning friends have made little birthday cakes in my honor, and imparted birthday gifts, which in turn, made me feel loved and appreciated. However still, I am a great believer in "off-the-cuff" parties and surprise gifts to celebrate achievements, love, and life. For me, this works just as well, if not better than a prescribed date for a shower of love and attention.

My 40th birthday was the worst ever! I was living in a new country and town, so only my partner was aware of my birth-date - which I was eternally thankful for. At 40, birthdays became something other than a simple marker for the passing of time - suddenly they became a dilemma.

The disappearance of time combined with a dearth of personal achievement, became highly relevant. I was half-way through my life - with most of my energetic youth gone, and I hadn't done anything yet! Suddenly at 40, I became more compassionate to the plight of humanity and appreciative of the maxim that: "Life really is what happens to you when you're making other plans." Although, that did not mean that I was about to give up - rather it made me more determined.

Since my 40th, I've worked hard at implementing changes in my life in order to achieve the type of life-style I dearly want to live. While life has been ultimately challenging, some goals have been achieved, but I have a long way to go. As well, by remaining integral to myself I do enjoy a certain satisfaction that once I never did.

But what has this got to do with birthdays? Well, the thing is; I actually plan to celebrate my birthday soon. It will be a happy celebration of the personal achievements of my life - some forever unrecognizable by others: anonymous.

Learn more about this author, Deborah English.
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