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We are generally encouraged to hash issues to death in our western society. Therapy whether for couples, troubled adolescents, or single folks is a multi million dollar industry. The word closure' is one of the therapist's favourite words, and of course to truly have closure we have to talk! And talk, and talk.Sometimes however; it just isn't worth it.

Am I seeking closure or an advantage?

Whether it is the end of a working relationship, a friendship or a romantic relationship, some things truly are better left unsaid. Despite the overwhelming need we may have to get something off our chest', it is often a smart move to ask yourself whether you are really seeking closure on a relationship or situation, or just trying to ensure you get the last word. If you are truly seeking to win by having the last word it is inevitable you will lose in the end, parting shots tend to come back and bite us!

Will this hurt me more than it will hurt them?

In honesty we all want to lash out when we are hurting, but sometimes saying nothing and taking the high road can be the best approach. If what you want or feel you need' to tell someone has the potential to hurt you more than him or her, don't say it to him or her. Always remember that some people require a longer cool down period than we do, so if hurtful words have already been said, what you feel you need to say could just add fuel to the fire.

Do I need to say this now? Or Ever?

When a difficult situation has arisen and we are attempting to fix it, the need to go over the past is often so strong we have trouble containing it. Raking over the past rarely resolves anything; and if you believe a situation in any type of relationship can be resolved it is often better to hold off rehashing ancient history. This does not mean of course that it can't be discussed in the future, but often when you start fresh with someone the need to go back in history disappears altogether.

Sometimes we just have to let go. Whether it's from a partners hurtful words, or a boss who failed to appreciate our efforts on a project we stayed up all night on. Developing emotional intelligence and adhering to the rule of knowing, when to hold them, when to fold them, when to walk away, and when to run', is the motto I always try to live by!

Learn more about this author, Melissa D. Ing.
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