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Is it really the fear of being loved? Or, is it perhaps, the fear that we won't be loved in return?

When I was a little girl, I fantasized about a fairytale ending, complete with perfect prince and magically transformed wedding coaches. I dreamed of a life as simple as Cinderella. After all, who doesn't desire a "Happily Ever After" with someone they love? But, as I grew up, I realized that such a fantasy was simply that...a fantasy. In reality, the ones we fall for hurt us. They neglect to take care of the fragile hearts that have been entrusted to their care.

Now, I have been labeled a man-eater for the way I have treated love in the past few years; but, I do not appreciate nor voluntarily accept the label. Though I have not been open to the possible joys true love offers, my fear does not go unjustified.

As a teenager, I was just like any other crush-crazed girl. I was completely motivated by finding true love, and I believed fully in the truth of romance. I was, as they label it, a hopeless romantic, a "Charlotte" in a city full of "Samantha's." I fell in love with one man throughout my four years in college and we made plans to marry. I felt the real possibility for my happily ever after. People called us the 'presidential' couple. People admired us. And, in all honesty, I loved the very image of it. But, in an instant my world was shattered by one phone call. Typically, the phone call I am referring to would be a heartbreaking breakup discussing the possibility of falling for someone else or growing apart over time. But, the phone call that blindsided and knocked the wind out of me came from my mother 5 months before my wedding. The man of my dreams, my prince charming, had physically hit on...my own mother. In an instant of tears and anger, I felt my dreams drift away. It was as though the emotional pain I felt was as deep as physical agony.

After a bitter breakup and a lot of struggles through self doubt, I moved back into the dating world. I tried to find happiness in people who were the exact opposites of my former prince. I tried to find happiness in dreams and flings. I tried to appreciate love. But, no matter what I did, I felt the underlying fear that no matter what I did, no matter who I loved, it wouldn't be good enough. I wouldn't be able to give enough, love enough, trust enough. I sabotaged every relationship I was in since then. I guarded myself put up walls, and walked away.

And I think that fear is what scares so many young women away from love today. Perhaps its not as extreme as realizing her prince would prefer the queen as opposed to the princess...but I do believe it is that underlying, intense fear that whoever her prince is will not love her the way she needs it. He will not catch her when she falls. He will not take her vulnerability as an opportunity to hold her.

Through it all, though, I still have some lingering hope that maybe a decent man exists. No, I don't believe love is all about perfection. I don't believe Prince Charming is always 'Charming'. But, I do believe that love should be respectful, honest, passionate, and real. No one should have to fear that betrayal is looming around every corner...because love doesn't have to worry. Love is action. Love is hope. Love is the connection between two people so strong that one of them never has to look somewhere else to find peace.

And so, even though love is scary, the possibility is intriguing. And, that is why we all pick ourselves up from the crashes we find ourselves in, brush the dust off our pants and start again...hoping someone is there.

Learn more about this author, Tiffany Ann.
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