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How to discuss sexuality with your teen

by Angela Russell

Created on: October 14, 2007

As parents, we have a few core responsibilities that cannot be neglected. We must feed and house our children, provide them love and affection, teach them values and morals, and ensure that they become well-rounded adults. Discussions on sexuality, while not at the top of most parents "favorite thing to do" list, are vital.

Talking to our kids about sex is uncomfortable. Likely just as uncomfortable for them as it is for us. At a very early age children begin asking questions about sex. The answers we give them lay the foundation for how they will view sex as teenagers and adults.

When your child asks you questions about sex, answer them on their level. For example, a five year old wondering where babies come from will be satisfied with an answer such as, "When a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they may decided to have a baby. A baby grows in the mommy's tummy for nine months until it is born." There is no need to give detailed sexual information to a child who cannot process it.

Your pre-teen will require a more detailed answer. You should answer these questions directly. Ask them what they know about sex, chances are they know more than you thought. Quite a bit of what our children learn about sex comes from their peers. The information they are given by their friends may not be accurate. It is vital that you clear up any misconceptions your child may have about sex.

Children need to be taught that sex is a very natural and beautiful act that should be shared between two people who love and are committed to one another. Telling your children to wait until they are married is great, but don't be fooled into thinking that because it is what you want for your child that it's the way it will be.

The sex talk must take place. When and where it occurs is your choosing. Take advantage of alone times you have with your child. Use things that are happening to bring up the topic. If you are alone at home with your child and something sexual comes on television, integrate this into your conversation. Ask your child what they think about what they have seen. Discuss situations your child may find themselves in and talk about viable solutions to avoiding them.

Telling your child about sex and explaining the consequences of having sex in the wrong situation can prevent heartache, unplanned pregnancies, and many other conflicts. Your child has been exposed to many aspects of sexuality that you may or may not be aware of. In talking to your child about these things, you may discover they are more prepared than you thought.

What to say to your child and how much you tell them about sex is entirely up to you. As a parent your responsibility lies with ensuring your child has the information needed to make an informed decision regarding sex. Religious beliefs play an important role in your child's attitude toward sex. Instilling your moral values into a child is no guarantee that even the most devout child will abstain from sexual activity. But, you can rest easy knowing you've done your part.

Learn more about this author, Angela Russell.
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