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Is anybody there? The blank stare from the person you have asked this question reveals that, although they are physically present in your company, they are certainly not listening. Whether you are in a social gathering or an intimate one-to-one conversation, there is nothing more frustrating than having a conversation with someone, only to find you have been talking to yourself. So how can you tell if the person you are having a conversation with is a good listener? The signs are there, if you know how to look for them.

1. Taking an interest

You can be reasonably sure that, if the person being spoken to is fidgeting and spending most of the time looking everywhere else but at you, he or she is not paying much attention to what you are saying. You can make the same assumption about the person who either wanders off or starts a conversation with someone else before you have even finished speaking.

The good listeners will have his or her attention firmly concentrated upon you, which shows that they are interested in what you have to say. They will not be distracted by other activities going on around the two of you. His or her body language will indicate that you are the most important person during the time you are speaking, with the reaction of their facial expressions showing their interest in the conversation. Similarly, eye contact will be maintained with you most of the time and the way they are sitting or standing will show openness towards you.

2. Patience

Don't you just hate those people who cannot allow you to finish a sentence without interruption? Or those who believe they know what you are going to say next and say it for you, although usually it was not remotely like the comments you were going to continue with. This level of impatience shows the classic signs of a bad listener.

A good listener is patient. He or she will not be antagonising you by constant interruptions, or waiting to jump in if you so much as pause for breath, but will listen patiently until you have finished speaking before they respond.

3. Hearing

What is the difference between listening and hearing you might ask? The answer is a great deal. Many people will listen to what is being said to them, but they will be too busy scrambling around within their own mind and thinking about what they are going to say next to actually listen and concentrate upon your words. How often have you felt like saying "you are not listening to me?" What we actually mean is that whilst that person is physically

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