3 of 64

Write now Article Tools

Beyond the process of merely being heard, we all hope someone is really "listening" - a good listener leaves no doubt in your mind that your message was not lost in transit.

Don't depend on eye contact though, as a measure of how well your message is absorbed. Some very good listeners will close their eyes, whilst contemplating what's said. Others may cock their heads to the side and gaze with absorption. Others yet, may lean back and squint. What a good audience won't do, is twiddle their thumbs or tap their feet (unless you are playing a fiddle), eye contact or not.

If your audience can carry on a topic from the gist of where you left off, you know they'd been listening. Can your listeners regurgitate your every word? If not, don't despair. Ask if they can rephrase what you've said, in their own words. That is the real litmus test of good listeners.

Don't assess your audience by the magnitude of applause. Applause can be deceiving. You know the listener has been all ears if a discourse elicits a pertinent response, not a generic alleluia!

To be a good listener, one must be truly present. When someone is wholly present with you, there's no denying the feeling. You feel valued and appreciated. Whether or not your audience agrees with what you have to say, the feeling of connection is there.

On the other hand, fidgeting denotes distraction. Clock or window gazing is a bad sign; so is hair twirling. Eye rolling can be outright rude. These are the hallmarks of bad listeners.

There are many levels to listening. The most profound listening happens when the subconscious mind is engaged. The conscious mind, by nature, filters out stimulus; it is selective about what it "let's in". For the subconscious to be most engaged, the listener needs to be relaxed. This is the basic concept behind hypnotism. If you want a deeply receptive audience, encourage the listener to relax in your presence.

Thusly, don't expect your listeners to be sitting at stiff attention. Though ears may be straining, what's being gained? If you should provoke a snore however, speaker beware!

If your audience strives to change the subject, consider this: perhaps, they really have been listening, but there's something amiss or off-color with your words, delivery or timing.

Remember, a child's attention span is different than an adult's; take into consideration an audience's listening capacity before expecting the moon. Also, know your audience's level of understanding. If you speak over someone's head, you'll likely be tuned out. Reach out to your audience if you wish for the same in turn.

You can recognize a good listener if that person makes you feel like the focus of attention. You'll feel important and special, and your audience will have been truly present, "the better to hear you my dear!"

Learn more about this author, Violet Fortune.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about How you can recognize a good listener?
We want to hear your view. Write now!