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Recently, I read an article where a female author discussed the reasons why she wouldn't walk around the house naked, just because her husband thought it would be sexy for her to do so. She discussed such things as his shallowness, his lack of imagination, how the internet is degrading our conceptions of sexuality, and the need for "one's brain to outrun one's libido".

She opened humorously, by saying, "I don't do naked, it's cold out there!" But then she went on to point out not only her own fears, but that of many women who feel just the same: "I'm a bit overweight, and the shallow men who say that if the wife does not walk naked around the house [then] she would [quickly] be elsewhere. Well, then they are in love with a shallow surface image and not with the real individual whom they married."

I quite frequently hear differing form of this argument against topics such as this. Let me just say, I'd simply have to disagree. Allow me to use this case as a way to help you think differently about your relationship, with your lover, or husband, or wife.

People who think that having a concept of beauty is a shallow thing, or that what one finds desirable or erotic, should be of no concern to one's partner or "significant other", are being themselves, quite shallow, and quite selfish. If you are one of the many who think this way, understand that this is not meant to be an attack on you. Please, for your own sake and that of the solidarity of your relationship and its own sexual identity, its own evolving character, attempt to take this as a neutral statement. In fact, consider, just for a moment, that everyone in this argument, is being shallow in some way, shape or form.

I think the misperceptions along the lines of this argument come in the different levels of relationship, some levels being non-sexual, and in how one reacts to these. There is a dynamic between the sexual and non-sexual in a relationship that typically is given little consideration or value. We are all so wrapped up in who WE are as individuals, that we simply ignore the synergy of the third entity in the situation: that of "the couple" itself and of its own sexuality which is frequently never allowed to evolve within it. And people wonder why a relationship "dies". Its much like Woody Allen said in "Annie Hall", "A relationship is like a shark. If it doesn't keep moving forward, it dies." So try looking at your own relationship as if it is a living thing, as third entity within your own, well, relationship.

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