by Angela S. Young

Created on: October 13, 2007

There is never a time when it's easy to lose a loved one. This part of life leaves our world with a big hole in it where the person used to fit. This empty place will never be filled with another, but we can learn to go on.

When my brother passed away at the young age of 40, after I had spoken to him three days before, I was devastated. It was as if someone had turned my world upside down and told me everything I believed was wrong. He was way too young! I just talked to him and he was fine! How can this be?

This feeling is beyond denial, it is shock. When death comes unexpectedly we never get the chance to say goodbye to the one we love. We never get the chance to say we're sorry or to tell them how much we love them. These feelings, locked inside of our shocked mind, will never find expression to the one who is beyond hearing.

One thing you can do when this happens, is to recognize your pain. It's ok to feel sad that you didn't get to say goodbye. The memorial or funeral for the loved one is a good place to begin saying those goodbyes, even though they are probably not heard. Use this time as a time to remember all the good things about your loved one, and all the good things you experienced together.

This might be a good time to write a goodbye letter or poem to read at the funeral and maybe tuck into the coffin to go with him or her. It's not the same as a personal goodbye, but it allows you to say the things you wish you had said before.

Then, recognize the stages of grief and cut yourself some slack. The grieving process goes through basically the same stages for everyone, but the amount of time it takes varies from person to person. Try not to get stuck in a stage, but allow yourself plenty of time to deal with them as they come.

The most important advice I would give to someone who has just lost someone they did not get to say goodbye too, is something I learned from experience. When you leave someone, always, always tell them you love them. Live that moment as if it were the last one you will ever have with that person because you never know, it just may be. The best thing you can do to honor that loved one is to make sure you remember how fleeting life can be and live it to the fullest and love with all you have, embracing each moment as if it were your last, just in case it is.

Living a life of love and letting people know you love them is better than living a life of regret because you didn't. Even worse than not getting to say goodbye is not getting to say you're sorry. Keep your accounts short; love them when you're together; let them know how you feel now. It will make a difference the next time you have to tell someone goodbye a little too late.

Learn more about this author, Angela S. Young.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.