by Gretchen Gingerich

Created on: October 12, 2007

Living together before marriage is a dated question. Most couples I know live together without intention of marriage. It is no longer a "let's see if we're compatible" scenario. It is now just the next stage in a serious relationship.

Why? Well, many couples wonder why they should get married in the first place. It is a big expense, it takes a lot of planning, and most marriages end in divorce anyway. So, why bother? On the other hand, living together usually saves money, is more fun, and is somewhat of a cultural status symbol.

Unfortunately, I find that it is not a good direction for our society. The problem with living together without thought of marriage is that there is no binding commitment. Without that public ceremony, that legal contract, couples always have it in the back of their heads that they can leave if it "doesn't work out." And most do.

Think about the couples you know. Think about the ones that live together. What if you learned that they had split up. How would you react? Surprise? Shock? Regret? I'm afraid that in many cases, we almost expected these couples to end sooner or later.

Marriage is by no means a sure-thing. As we all know, over half of all marriages end in divorce. But, if you have legally and publicly declared your relationship, there are certain incentives to "working it out."

I say to couples who are serious about each other, "if you love each other enough to live in the same house, why not make it official?" I know that it can be a big pain in the butt to jump through all the hoops, but you'll benefit from putting your commitment to each other down on paper. Filing joint taxes is a perk for starters. Any you'll have peace of mind knowing that you've created a union that's meant to last. But if you don't care about either of those reasons, at least you'll make your grandmother happy.

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