by Natalie Faulk

Created on: October 12, 2007

What an easy question, requiring those three little words we've all heard before, "Don't do it!" Seriously, though, it's never too early to start communicating with your children. When I was pregnant with my daughters, now 12 and 7, in between the headset-placed-against-my-stomach CDs of humpback whale calls (oh no, it just hit me that these could have been mating calls!) I also played Bill Cosby's "Fatherhood" bit and added my own subliminal messages of "finish college" and "boys are gross."

Unfortunately, however, the embryos turn to fetuses, and then children. Sex shouldn't be a taboo subject; although many of us weren't given the "facts of life" speech until, at least for me, my water broke. Sex is natural and beautiful and, well, messy (this fact does help if you have a perfectionistic obsessive-compulsive neat freak of a child.)

Opening up the channels of communication are imperative and the parents' responsibility. Once your child broaches the subject with you, it's too late. Typically their conversations will begin, "Mom, would you buy me the Pill?"

As with any "sensitive" subject matter, always start early and use age-appropriate language. Use correct terminology when teaching body parts. Cutesy language might work for a short time, but will ultimately need to be updated or can cause unnecessary embarrassment in school when your child raises his/her hand in sex-ed to answer a "what is this?" question with, "That's a pee-pee." Using correct terminology matter-of-factly also shows your child that there's nothing unusual or shameful about the human body.

As the child grows, of course, their level of understanding increases and they are better equipped to handle more in-depth conversation. There is a veritable plethora of books, movies, CDs, etc. about sex, all age-appropriate. However, nothing is better than the undivided attention of a parent. Not only does one-on-one conversation with your child show them that the channels of communication are, in fact, open, but then you can introduce your beliefs and values as well.

With continued maturity, experts offer the method of asking your child questions to see what they know or have heard about the topic. Kids talk to their friends about everything (even though they deny it) and I for one would want to know if my daughters have promiscuous friends. Current research shows that at least 50-60% of 13-18 year olds actively admit that their parents don't or haven't discussed sex with them. That, in my opinion, is a shockingly high number. Furthermore, studies conducted where school sex-ed courses give homework based on communication with parents have shown a reduction in the amount of teenage pregnancies, STDs and the desire to have sex at a young age within the study group.

Keep talking well into the teenage years, but alter the questions. Give "what if" scenarios about pregnancy, STDs, dating, etc., to get them actively thinking as opposed to merely passively listening. Answer their questions matter-of-factly, sensitively, and truthfully, but listen also. Preaching and/or dominating the conversation will undoubtedly cause the teen to withdraw and reduce the channels of communication. Treat your teen with respect and they will do the same.

And above all, humor does help. Sex is an embarrassing topic, even for some adults. What better way to handle embarrassment than with humor?

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