To lose a grandparent and trying to cope with it when they were the most influential people in your life is very hard. Trying to go through your mind and think that it is okay, that they are in a better place, is even harder. The year was 2000. Throughout my life I had looked up to my great grandmother...we called her granny. It was so interesting hearing her tell stories about the good old days, and how she grew up. She loved to quilt, and in her lifetime, she must have made at least two dozen quilts. To cutting the fabric, putting the pieces together, and making amazing quilts...no machine, all by hand. I remember her extensive thimble collection, just so she wouldn't hurt her fingers.

The year was 2000. My great grandmother started having TIA's, which are like mini strokes. It was so frustrating to her, not being able to remember certain things. Eventually it got so bad that the whole family decided we should audio tape some of the things she was saying, memories or just silly things that came up. She didn't remember my name, but since I look so much like my mother, she called me, Lil Linda. I sat with her and just talked. She asked me if I remembered the horse race. Horse race? No, but I went along with it. Her horses name was Get Up and Go and my horses name was Butch. Her horse had beaten my horse. It was so hilarious!

So in September of 2000, she was basically gone, she could talk and sometimes walk, but she really didn't know who any of us were. I had worked in nursing homes and had seen first hand what it was like when someone was about to go. I smelled the smells and saw the people's faces. There was this one day when I walked into her house,(we kept her home, with hospice) and I smelled the horrible smell. They call it the smell of "death". I had to leave right away..I could not believe that this was happening. I told my mother that it wouldn't be long, and told her what to expect, what the stages were and what she could do or not do. I left everything up to God.

September 28, 2000, I had gone to bed at around three that morning...it was birthday and we were celebrating early. I got a phone call from my mother at 6:30am, saying that granny had died. I nearly died! It was my birthday! I rushed over to her house to say my final goodbye to her before the coroners came to get her. It was so hard. I had told myself that it wasn't fair, if only she could have held on at least one more day. I know it sounds like I was blaming her, it just wasn't fair. The only reason half of my family remembers my birthday is because it is the day granny passed away.

I didn't like to celebrate my birthday because of all the memories of granny. I finally realized about three years ago, that I should celebrate. Not only for my life, but for hers. To celebrate that she is finally "home" with her family and her husband, and to be happy. After nine years, it is still hard, but I just reflect on how important she was, the advice she gave me, and how happy she is right now.
I LOVE YOU GRANNY!

Learn more about this author, Shottzie.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Reflections: Loss of a grandparent?
We want to hear your view. Write now!