Why Fear Causes All New Relationships to be Based on a Lie.

For those who have never tied the knot, fear and anxiety surrounding marriage can often reach paranoid proportions. Many fret about the potential divorce and hurting associated with it than the love and affection possible within it. Single men, in particular, are in no hurry to be hitched for a variety of reasons, the top five being:

(1) The availability of sex without any commitment;
(2) Acquiring a wife' through cohabitation without having to marry;
(3) The wish to avoid both the risk and cost of divorce;

(4) The desire to wait before having children; and not an insignificant one -
(5) The fact that marriage requires change and compromise.

How many of us accept change willingly, or are prepared to compromise, unless there is a great deal of personal benefit in it? Not many, it seems, particularly for single men over 35. Notice how the top five reasons also focus on money, sex and compromise, the three greatest preoccupations in any modern relationship.

A failure to deal with those three elements satisfactorily is not caused by the relationship per se but merely exacerbated by it. The predisposition for dealing with them is controlled by invisible forces', as I call them, which are present from that first encounter forces which dictate the route and direction of any two people thrown together by circumstance, masking their more obvious personal traits. These forces are very strong, embedded as they are in our individual culture, values, personality, psyche and perception, while being continually influenced and altered by aspirations and life experiences. They dictate our approach to life itself and, when there is a crisis, they reveal themselves in their full glory.

The Desire to Impress
Anyone can cope with life when it is calm and rosy, but the real character and worth of an individual shine through when there is stress and chaos. The main reason for this dual entity relates to our desire to be ourselves on one hand, yet to constantly impress others on the other, particularly potential partners. So, we are never likely to reveal our true selves while we are comfortable and well settled. For this reason, the longer the comfort time enjoyed in the relationship the less likely we are to truly know our partner. This is because, early in the relationship, we prefer to mirror the needs and expectations of others who matter to us until we are forced to reveal our true

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