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abort the rescue.

Moments later, the old man was swept off the roof and soon drowned. Standing before God, he said, "I don't understand, Sir. My faith was strong. I truly believed you'd save me. Why, Sir, didn't You save me?"

God replied, "I sent you two row boats and a helicopter."

* * *

The man rushed into the doctor's office. "You gotta help me, Doc!"

"Calm down," the doctor said. "What's the problem?"

"I'm a pair of curtains!"

"Oh don't be ridiculous, man. Pull yourself together!"

* * *

The young rooster approached the older rooster. "Okay Pops, I'm taking over."

"Who you calling Pops?"

"We both know the farmer got me because you're getting old so step aside; I got a lot of hens to chase."

"I used to be like you, chasing hens till the morning crow. But if you'll ask around, I don't think you'll get any complaints from the hens. Besides, you're the third rooster the farmers brought in this year."

"Surely you're not thinking of fighting me. I'll tear you apart!"

"I have a better idea."

"What?"

"A race."

"A race?"

"Yeah. Three laps around the farmers' house."

"I could do three laps before you even get started, old-timer."

"It's a race of endurance. You can't pass me for the first two rounds."

"So? No matter how we do it, I'll still beat you."

"You gotta stay right behind me until we pass the porch on the second round."

"Just do it, Pops!"

The older rooster took off running, the younger rooster close behind. "I'm going to run all over you on the third lap, old-timer. You don't stand a chance."

"Just don't pass me until we pass the porch on the second lap!"

The younger rooster got right up under the older roosters' tail feathers. "Okay, Pops, we're heading for the front porch for the second time. Get ready to . . ."

BOOM! The farmer shot him.

The older rooster flew back a couple feet, hearing the farmer say, "I'm gonna have to start getting my roosters someplace else. That's the third homosexual rooster I've bought this year!"

* * *

God was strolling through animal heaven when he came upon a little mouse. "Hello little mouse," he said with a smile. "How do you like animal heaven?"

"It's beautiful, God. But it's so big and I'm so small. It's hard for me to get around." The mouse jumped as God put upon his feet a tiny pair of speed skates. "Wow!" the mouse shouted, zipping around God on his new speed skates. "I can go really fast!"

God left the happy little mouse, continuing his walk through animal heaven. "Hello," he said, approaching a fluffy cat. "How do you like being in heaven little kitty?"

I love it, God," he said, dangling a tiny pair of speed skates from his claw, "especially the meals on wheels!"

* * *

Saint Peter stood at the pearly gates, staring out at the people waiting to get into heaven before announcing, "Every man who was head of their families, form a line before me."

No one came forward. "Perhaps you didn't understand," he said. "The men who ruled their households please come forward and form a line before me."

Again, there was no response. He looked out at the many people, waiting anxiously to enter the pearly gates. "Would the men out there who were leaders of their families, please come and stand before me?"

At last, one man slowly approached. Saint Peter looked out at the crowd, looking back at the man, standing in front of him. "Are you the only man among all these to rule your family as head of the house?"

"I'm not sure," he said. "My wife told me to come stand here."

Learn more about this author, Pat Lunsford.
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