Have you ever felt like you're talking to a wall? Maybe even tempted to call 911, fearing the other person may be slipping into a coma? It's very frustrating to be talking or pouring your heart out, only for words to fall upon deaf ears. A good listener is truly a treasure. Good communication skills, which includes listening, binds people together more closely, whether in personal relationships or business.

Good communication involves both the verbal and non-verbal aspects. Observe the listener in your life to see how they measure up. You don't need a magnifying glass to recognize the seasoned listener. Just look for some of these clues.

THEY STOP TALKING

A good listener stops talking, allowing you to fully communicate what you need to say. You've heard the phrase, "lend an ear"...? That's exactly what they do. They lend you their ear as long as you need it, without feeling burdened. Listening isn't just about hearing words, but absorbing what is being said and what the speaker feels.

BODY LANGUAGE

Body language is comfortable and expresses genuine interest - with nods of positive affirmation or a smile. Eyes aren't darting all over the room or watching a clock, but are focused on the speaker. Body language doesn't express boredom or aloofness. There should be some physical space between the listener and speaker, but close enough in proximity to offer a comfort level. A good listener doesn't fidget or act restless.

QUESTIONS and COMMENTS

They ask questions to gain clarity and understanding. These questions are very telling as to how well they have listened. They don't interact with lingo such as "huh", "oh", "is that right" or even worse..."duh". They ask questions with depth and significance, related to what you are saying. They make comments, adding their opinions and thoughts. They don't divert drastically from the topic, to talk about the weather or ask about your preference for boxers or briefs. They don't interrupt, but wait until it's appropriate to interact. They don't rudely cut you off by jumping in to have their say, but encourage you to continue.

EMPATHY and PATIENCE

A good listener doesn't have the "woe is me" syndrome. I'm sure you are familiar with those who bring every conversation back to themselves - for example: you are talking about your dog that just died and they jump in before you finish your sentence to tell about a dog they had twenty years ago. A good listener has empathy for what you are going through.

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about How you can recognize a good listener?
We want to hear your view. Write now!