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Humor: Food

Surviving Festive Holiday Preparations

It's that time of the year when everybody's looking for their own personal holiday miracle, even if it's only a parking spot at the mall.

During the holidays it's normal to feel like going that "extra mile" Especially when you're driving in a car approaching the exit ramp that will take you to your in-laws. When all our friends and family are gathered together for a whole day in the same house to celebrate, that traditional song starts to make sense. It does seem like there are "Twelve Days of Christmas." Although it does have one desirable element of an old-fashioned holiday Nobody counts carbs or calories.

Everyone's likely to have a different story of past holiday magic. For some people, the first time they saw the Nutcracker come alive and dance with the Sugar Plum Fairy they were inspired If only to get the recipe for the rum balls. Yes, many folks find their "Holiday Spirit" at least partially in a bottle. It's as traditional as eggnog. And please don't ask for "vegetarian eggnog." Basically, you'd be handed a tumbler with a shot of rum floating a cinnamon stick.

So we hang mistletoe to promote a good natured spirit for holiday guests of all ages. Mistletoe is a plant that leads to friendliness, spontaneous kissing and goodwill to all. And you know what the best thing about it is? You can buy it anywhere and it's perfectly legal!

But there's a lot to do in preparation to make the festive event a success. When baking for holiday gatherings, use ingredients that don't stick to dental work. This helps avoid embarrassment when someone bites into a date square and even more so when someone's plate falls into the bowl while helping to mix the batter. By the way, wise women of pretty much any family will tell you that if you want to make the gingerbread men seem more realistic, just have their buttons pop off after dinner as they fall asleep. The resemblance to the real thing is uncanny.

The Holiday Tree is decorated with bright lights, shiny ornaments and tinsel Frankly, it could easily be the official flower of Las Vegas. Some pets even take special notice of the decorated tree. If you're a cat, you have to wonder "Why are my toys on the tree?"

It's perfectly normal to have goose bumps when you're opening a sweater handmade made for you by your great-great-aunt Bessie; after all, you know there's no receipt so it can't be returned. Some people don't use ribbon when they wrap presents. There


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