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Back in the day I was a curious lad, always touching things, playing with random objects other than my toys and I frequently exploring the world around me. Why is this important, because I believe my curiosity and creativity justify what happens next.
Sitting naked in my room waiting for my mom to give me a bath I couldn't have been anymore than six years old. Now that I picture it in my head the scene is quite embarrassing, but being 6 and naked is cute. If I were naked in my room waiting for my mom to give me a bath now, there would have to be some serious family and mental issues present. But back to the situation at hand; there I am, sitting naked in the corner of my room and for some reason that only God knows why I was chewing watermelon flavored Bubblelicious Gum. The funny thing about gum and me is that it doesn't ever stay in my mouth for more than 30 seconds at a time.

I sat in silence for about 5 minutes chewing gum, being naked, and the whole time I kept taking the gum out of my mouth to play with it. Now maybe it was because I had never been naked while chewing gum before, but for some reason on this day I noticed that Bubblelicious gum and my ball sack had a very similar texture and look. Let me put it out there that my scrotum is not or has never been a vibrant pink color, but take a moment to think of a wad of gum and a scrotum and you'll see where I'm coming from.
Now for some other reason that only God knows why, I decided that because the gum and my ball sack are similar, that they must be together, they must become one unit and exist together in harmony or the universe would cease to exist. I'm not going to go into to much detail about what its like to put gum on my scrotum but I do remember that it was a fascinating experience. After a good minute of fusing my testicles and watermelon gum into one being I decided enough was enough and I wanted to put the gum back in my mouth because I missed the taste of watermelon, it is my favorite of the gum flavors. But something was terribly wrong, the gum wouldn't come off, when I thought I was pulling the gum I was really pulling on my own sack, and then when I did get a hold of the gum I only pulled off pieces at a time, and on top of that it didn't feel good trying to pull something that sticky of such a sensitive area. I was in a panic, what would my mother think?
Needless to say I gave up on trying to pry the gum and my sack from each other, surely it was written in the stars that they were meant to be. With my head hung low and my balls even lower I walked into my mom's room, defeated and in pain. "What the heck were you doing Vince?" she asked me. Now how the hell am I suppose to explain to my mom, at six years old, that my curiosity and the uncanny resemblance of gum and my balls somehow compelled me to put them together. We were both confused and shocked at what was happening, but my mother being the brilliant lady that she is stuck me in the bathtub with warm water until the gum lost it's adhesiveness. I'll never forget that day, how can a man forget a day when he almost makes himself a eunuch. The whole incident was embarrassing, but I live and learn. And I bet my balls smelled like watermelon for a whole week, something that probably won't even happen again.

Learn more about this author, Vince Degaetano.
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