Mentors and Their Influence

When I was in the fifth grade, I had two teachers with vastly different teaching styles. One took great joy in pointing out any deficiencies in her students and used every opportunity available to belittle them, especially me so it seemed, in front of their classmates. The other recognized our abilities and limitations and taught us to work with them without once making us feel inadequate in any way. While the first teacher simply chose the wrong career, the latter is a shining example of what a good teacher and mentor should be.

The best mentors are those who encourage others to challenge themselves and reach beyond the visible. They understand mistakes are merely a part of learning and they instigate pushing forward to the goal line in spite of any failures along the way. They foster self-esteem because they honestly believe everyone has the ability to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness through sheer determinedness.

Good mentors don't have a hidden agenda. They help others because they believe in giving back to the world by sharing their gifts with others. They don't try to impress people with what they know or how great they think they are. They just open themselves up and exchange knowledge and life experiences. In the process, they learn something too, like how to best adapt their abilities to meet the needs of others, and they become even better mentors.

They learn how their words affect the people they're working with and determine how to tailor what they say to the person in front of them. Too often, we humans take for granted the affect our words and actions have on other people, most importantly on children who are very impressionable and vulnerable. Even an innocent comment can have a negative impact if worded insensitively. A good mentor knows how to express their thoughts and opinions in a positive way that buoys others and makes them believe in themselves and their own abilities.

Bad mentors, on the other hand, deflate others and make them feel worthless. These mentors hurt the self-esteem of the people they take under their wings because they forget to look for the good qualities of each individual and instead focus only on the problems.

While a bad mentor is obviously not our first choice, we can still gain something from them. We can learn to trust ourselves in spite of what other people might think about us or what they try to make us feel about ourselves. We can dig deep down to find the strength to prove them wrong and in turn, we will push ourselves beyond what someone tells us our limits are. We can dream bigger and brighter and accomplish more in a form of defiance to these bad mentors. Whenever we achieve a success, it will mean more to us because we had to fight for it internally too.

Then, one day, we will become mentors ourselves and know how to do it right, or at the very least, better. We will look back and realize how little self-esteem of their own those bad mentors must have had to need to put others down. We can feel sorry for them and smile knowing we leapt an obstacle and became a little wiser, a little more compassionate.

And to that bad fifth grade teacher I say, "Thanks. I couldn't have gotten here without you. Too bad you weren't more like Mrs. Grimes."

Learn more about this author, Virginia Lynn Emrick.
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