When my four kids were young, I learned several clever and stress free ways to stop them from fighting. I continued to use these two techniques for years, and we seldom had fighting.

One day the two eldest were bickering and an older friend was visiting. I spoke to them calmly, and separated them, but they kept going back to each other and arguing. I was getting frustrated and felt like I needed to ask my friend to leave.

Just as I opened my mouth to tell her that we should continue our conversation another time, she mentioned a trick she had used with her kids to keep them from fighting. I was interested, but not hopeful. I came from a family of three, and we three always fought. I just thought that was what siblings did.

My friend told me to put the two kids on the couch side by side and have them touch noses. That was all, just put them next to each other and make them sit nose to nose for five minutes. I did it and they were giggling within 90 seconds.

I used this technique for many years. It ALWAYS worked. In fact, sometimes they were giggling before they ever touched noses. It is an amazing way to watch kids go from furious to happy in minutes.

Another place that my kids were frustrating to deal with, while bickering, was when I was driving. It was dangerous, more than anything, but also made going anywhere a lesson in patience.

Another wise friend told me that she just pulled over when her kids fought and told them she would continue when they stopped. My first thought was that it would make trips take so long. But, I decided to give it a try.

At first, trips anywhere took longer because I was willing to stop, pull over and just sit, each and every time they bickered. I told the kids, "Look, I am not going to drive while you are arguing. I will just sit here and you can let me know when you are done." In the beginning they did continue to argue and I just sat. Then I would roll down the windows and turn the car off. This caused discomfort sometimes. "Mom, I'm hot," or "Mom, I'm cold." I calmly answered, "We will continue as soon as you are done." I kept a magazine on hand and flipped through it. They never kept it up for long.

Eventually, they stopped arguing in the car altogether. We had no yelling, screaming, punishing scenes. We merely had calm Mom saying no more. I merely had to say, "I am pulling over," and they would become instantly silent. It was well worth arriving late, on occasion, rather than arriving with surly kids who I had to pull apart in the parking lot.

I still have a few teenagers at home, but there is no fighting. We have all decided that living peacefully and talking to one another is so much easier. They know that Mom has boundaries and they don't cross them.

You have to be willing to make changes and stick with them. You cannot do these things occasionally. You must do them every time for them to really work as a deterrent. I guarantee they saved me loads of frustration and have allowed us to have more good memories.

Learn more about this author, Wendy Bishop Strebe.
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