The sun shines outside, streaming through the window and casting a warm pink glow through your bedroom. The kids are still sleeping peacefully in their beds and a golden silence fills the house.

Plans for the day rush through your mind as you head downstairs for that first warm, hot cup of coffee which your spouse brewed freshly for you before leaving for work.

Life is good.

By 9am, the house is awake and full of action. You sit down to a slice of toast and yogurt with your kids. The phone rings. Immediately, you think it must be your spouse saying good morning and inquiring as to how your day is going so far.

However, looking at the caller ID, you realize it's not a welcomed call at all - it's a collection agency. Again.

While letting the answering machine pick it up, you wait for the message with a lump in your throat.

Suddenly, you hear a deep male voice.

"This message is for Michael Williams. This is Mr. Green from Northern Finance. Michael, our associates have been attempting to contact you for the past month regarding your account without success. It's imperative that you contact our office immediately. Our number is 1-800-555-5555."

Your sunny day clouds over as you're brought back to reality.

You owe money. A lot of it...which certainly cannot be paid back immediately.

Thoughts of filing for bankruptcy cross your mind every morning now. With each phone calls and letter, you're certain it's the only option available to you.

Perhaps then you can start answering your phone without fear.

When your spouse comes home from work that night, you argue about money and the fact that YOU'RE the one left to deal with the phone calls day after day.

Thoughts of leaving the relationship and starting a new life cross your mind. At least them the blame and guilt would be gone. And then you feel guilty for thinking that.

Looking at the piles of unpaid bills, you wonder if you'll ever get ahead.

You look at your children's innocence and cry silent tears, apologizing to them for bringing them into a world where they aren't given the luxuries they deserve and hope they won't be the "poor kids" in school.

You compare yourself to families with houses and cars and wonder where you went wrong.

You live paycheck to paycheck and never find anything to save.

You doubt if you'll ever be able to take your children to Disneyland to meet their cartoon idols.

You wonder what would happen if the debt collectors started taking from your wages.

You estimate how long before the electricity, telephone and cable get cut off and what lies you'll tell your kids.

Debt makes you feel dirty. Debt makes you feel guilty.

You wonder if one day you'll end up standing in a line at the food bank and afterward heading to a shelter.

Debt makes you feel vulnerable.

Scared.

Learn more about this author, Jen H.
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