When your single you fall into one of two categories; searching or bitter. Or at least that seems to be the general consensus. If you're not dating there is a tendency on the part of everyone who is not you to try and extract details. "You're single, why?!" "Single? Good choice men/women are drama." "Are you okay?" I have found being single to be a rather depressing experience, and not because I don't have a significant other necessarily, but more because of the way people rub my face in it by trying to justify it for me.

I'm not sure people are aware that very few questions in this life are as insulting to a girl as "You're not dating!? Why not?!" Especially when coming from a guy! Maybe they think its a self esteem boost to their friends who are girls to play up surprise at the face that someone as wonderful as you could not have found someone to be with, but gentlemen nothing is further from the truth. For me at least it more or less drives me into a pit of self inflection so deep I emerge feeling more hateful toward myself than before the comment was made. Men you have to know, as woman we are asking ourselves ALL the time what's wrong with us, having you imply it by a question like that, even if that is not at all what you were trying to say, rips us apart. I know for me I ask myself everyday what's wrong with me because I can't seem to get a guy. I think I always end up with the conclusion that I must a)come across as needy and desperate, which I pray I am neither, or b) that I'm too fat, too ugly too. . . you can fill in this space with any number of degrading self derision.

I know it's ridiculous and wrong to base my self image on whether or not I can attract a guy, but sometimes that's the only gage there is, or the only one that seems important. Because honestly is there anyone out there who would say no to someone coming and sweeping them off their feet? Someone to cuddle with, tell everything too, feel giddy about. Human nature demands affection, its a prov en fact, psychological nature demands love that develops because of compatibility and not blood relation.

I wish I could claim joy in my single proceedings, I wish I could say that I'm perfectly content with spending my weekends studying and my weeknights at the gym. But I will be the first to admit that there are days I see couple after couple walking hand in hand and wish desperately to be one of them. Days I can barely face walking into another party all alone or with a bunch of girlfriends who are just about the best company ever, but still seem to scream to everyone that I'm merely covering my inability to find a date, or be found by one. Days I don't want to be alone when I'm alone, yet don't want to be with anyone I can't fall against and be held by. On those days I would tell you emphatically, single and happy is the biggest whopper contrived in the modern single age.

Most days, however, I will tell you that while I'm not proclaiming the single life the one I would choose it I had more control over the matter I am still happy. I can flirt with whoever I want, be whoever I want, learn about myself unhindered by opinions skewed by love, and do whatever I please with regards to my schedule. Single life is not all gloom and loneliness but the old sayings are still the most honest, because 2 is still better than one.

Learn more about this author, Kristele.
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