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Humor: Wal-Mart

doubling as a campground? And if so, how do I make a reservation? Wowza. It really does make the perfect spot to set up shop if you think about it. Soda machines are 50-yards away ditto for KFC & there is an ample amount of trees for shade, restroom purposes (those RV potties WILL get full if you eat KFC enough). It's also a good area for hide-and-go-seek, as well as tag. As I write this, it becomes clearer to me why people camp @ Wal-Mart. Someday, I think I may live in a RV and travel across the country, visiting every Wal-Mart along the way.

Ive actually seen a couple of NASCARs venture away from their shopping center or campground (whichever it may be for them), and make their way to the community pool where I work. Take yesterday for example. Temperatures in the upper 90s, the three Hs applied (hazy, hot, humid). I just had purchased a diet coke from the machine as these two men interrupted my walk back to the lifeguard office. Let me instill the perfect image before I continue. The one who spoke to me (we'll call him Larry), stood 5'8, wore faded Wrangler jeans with boots and (thank goodness) no shirt though his salt&pepper body hair did just fine covering up the top half. The other, had a similar style (I think they plan their outfits) he had lighter Wranglers, but HIS were cut off at the knee (he was definitely more of a planner than Larry). We'll call this guy Billy. Well Billy also wore boots with tall, white socks pushed down (so much cooler than actually rolling them down, I think, anyway). Billy also had his salt&pepper locks in a ponytail. Now that you have a mental image of these fine gentlemen, I'll describe their education. It only took one sentence. See if you pick up on it. "Boy, if I could swim, I would drown. Just so you'd save me." Oh, really I responded. "Oh yeah," Larry said. I'm just glad Larry can't drown because then he'd be able to swim, right? Yeah, I'm confused, too. The next best pool-line goes to a boy the age of 12ish. Im sitting on the guard stand, as this kid approaches me with "Do you really want to make me cry?" Confused, I asked him to repeat what he just said incase I heard it wrong. Well, he repeated the same words, followed by "well if you dont, then you should go on a date with me." Usually, I do prefer boys to be half my age when I date them but I guess this one just didn't offer enough mystery for me. Where is the chase in that, afterall? Gosh.

I really love pick-up lines. While the kid takes first, I have another one that is also great. I was at a bar (enough said). I walked by this guy, who stopped me and said: "what are you doing tomorrow?" I should have told him I had reservations to campout at Wal-Mart, but instead, I was caught off-guard and a couple of jagerbombs in, so I simply responded "I dont know." Well this is what ensued. "Oh really, because I think you should go for a ride on my bike. You'd look good on the back." I was a little angry. Not because I had zero idea who this guy was that was asking me to go on his bike, but more so because he thought I actually belonged on the BACK of his bike. If I really would've been on my game, I would have said: "listen, DUDE, you get on the back and I'LL drive." Instead I told him he was much too old for me & didnt have enough NASCAR in him.

I actually saw a woman last night who probably would've fallen for that bike line. She was working at the local convenience store. "Marge" had a black "beater" on with pink glittery print that read "Sexy Little Thing." Shes definitely back-of-the-bike material. Classy, yet still down-to-earth enough to take the rear. When I asked the thirty-something woman where she got such a cute tank, she replied:

"Wal-Mart."

Learn more about this author, Elaina Mainlove.
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Humor: Wal-Mart

  • 1 of 21

    by Clarena Wise

    When I lived in North Carolina, Wal Mart was the "place to be". Everyone shops there. It is a place where you catch

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  • 2 of 21

    by Patricia Parker

    Its just so fortunate that Sam Walton was the driving force behind "Wal-Mart," because Wal-Mart is just so darn Americana.

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  • 3 of 21

    by Michael Harrison

    I took a part-time job at WalMart during the holidays, talk about your momentary lapse of reason. It was seasonal, figured

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  • 4 of 21

    by S. Murray

    Walmart, the name alone brings a shiver to my spine. I am both repelled and exhilerated at the very thought of my next trip

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  • 5 of 21

    by Ted Sherman

    We love shopping in Wal-Mart, but because our local stores are no more than 60 miles from the Mexican border, things are

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