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There's something's wrong with school theater today. Trust me. I know.
Case in point: You've heard the old theatrical saying, "There are no small parts, only small actors," right? I've used it whenever my son or daughter came home from school crying hysterically after being cast as nothing more than a burger boy in "Grease" or a cowgirl in "Oklahoma." Unfortunately, the old saying has been rewritten for the world of school theatre across America and now goes something like this: "There are no small parts, only small actors playing big parts that should have gone to much taller actors, thanks to their mothers, who did everything humanly possible to make sure their kids got the big parts they really shouldn't have gotten in the first place."

There's a little boy in town who has gotten many big' parts, not because he has a lot of energy, which he does, but because his mother agreed to be the producer' of the school play, which meant that it was up to her to find costumes and props with hardly any budget, and to keep the boys out of the girls' dressing room. Why did she volunteer? Simple! Left to chance, her son would be a burger boy for the rest of his life. Trust me. I know.
One of his starring roles was as Tony in "West Side Story," and all the energy in the world didn't stop audiences from laughing when he had to stand on the third step of the fire escape just to kiss poor Maria, who was standing on the stage. You half expected him to show up at the rumble wearing a "Rugrats" T-shirt.
Here's another case in point: Have you noticed how many full-page ads parents purchase in play programs these days that all but beg for Tony Award nominations? "Jason, you're our shining star! Let's hope there's an agent in the audience. Love, mom and dad." Talk about pressure. Making grandpa happy after a two-hour trip in traffic is one thing, but now the kid has to please an agent, too?
And then there are those parents who arrive at the auditorium two hours before the school play is scheduled to begin in order to reserve the first five rows by laying down every piece of winter clothing they own, even at the end of May. These parents are delusional about what they're going to see on stage. Trust me. I know.
Nevertheless, school theatre is a wonderful activity and a great exercise in sociability. It keeps kids busy working toward a common goal, and gives them a sense of pride and self-worth. We should encourage it. In fact, one day I'll write a play all about school theatre and I'll make sure my own kids star in it. Why? Because no one will be able to do a better job.
Trust me. I know.

Learn more about this author, Joel Samberg.
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