I am a church-going atheist.I could also be called somewhat of a closet-atheist, because my reasons are not religious, at least not in the Catholic sense (I attend a Roman-Catholic church).

My family attends every Sunday, my mum, her two siblings, and my grandparents. Now, I went thre regularly, because as I grew up and started to reason away my religion, I attempted to do the same with my family. They would not listen, for reasons I could not then understand. My grandmother was the only relative who would listen, surprisingly, as her faith was far and away the strongest.

Let me just clarify that I adored my grandmother, she practically raised me, and was the most gentle, peaceful woman you could hope to meet. I used to explain my reasons for losing faith, and on one such occasion, I struck a chord. Anyone who has had the debate with a Christian and has swayed them will know what I'm talking about. You can physically see your words lodge behind their eyes, and you would imagine it is quite triumphant.

However, i was the complete reverse. She, at the age of 69 years old, began to doubt. She doubted the faith that had helped her through some tremendous personal sufferings, as well as strengthening her through the trials of day-to-day life. I had given this lady nothing, I had taken away. I have never felt so ashamed as I did that day, and will never again question somebody's faith, for unless I can replace that crutch, it is no right of mine to remove it.

I kept going to church, and this gave my grandmother back her faith. I am an educated man, and I know that a Catholic mass is littered with dogma, and elaborate ritual. Yet I sat there every Sunday because my grandmother walked out of that church at peace.

She died in June of this year, destroyed by a vicious cancerous tumour. Inoperable from diagnosis, her faith kept her going, and on the day she died, as she received last rights, she believed that she was merely making a transition, "going to see God" as she put it.

I go to Church still, in honour of her memory, and to give comfort to my relatives, who are all devastated.

Atheists are not brain-washed when they enter church. They are not in danger of conversion or hostility. But people go to church for reasons beyond the religious sometimes. And if it brings comfort, consolation, and is a mark of respect, then it has nothing to do with the words, or the gestures. Not all men pray to God.

Learn more about this author, Daniel Sullivan.
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