It has been said that "we don't choose our family, but we learn to live with them". After years of trying to get along in a household with siblings, as adults can we choose not to continue the often dysfunctional relationships we've been stuck with for so long or is it better to try and make them work in a healthier, more meaningful way?

I am the oldest of four girls born to a conservative family and raised in upstate New York by our loving parents. From the time each of my younger sisters arrived, I became responsible for them in many ways. While I relished the task and felt great pride for my family, one of my sisters seemed to do everything in her power to make my life miserable. From tattling on me to always making sure that our parents compared her stellar report cards to mine, my younger sister was always making trouble for me. Somehow, my parents always sided with her and she would stick her tongue out at me behind their backs, just to spite me. This behavior continued well into our teens until eventually we called a "truce" and decided to be closer as sisters as high school graduation approached and adulthood was around the corner.

Then something changed. My sister married a man of very poor character after a series of bad break-ups. It was obvious to everyone that this was a re-bound relationship, but nonetheless, she married him despite warnings from friends and family, myself included. As soon as they started having disagreements, immediately guess who was blamed? Me! I still cannot comprehend how I got dragged into the equation, but it eventually led to my speaking my mind to her about this man and consequently we haven't spoken in over eight years. The only contact we've had was at my youngest sister's wedding when my guard was down and we connected briefly. Now it has gone back to silence once again.

If I had to choose my family and my siblings, would I choose my sister and would things be different somehow if I had just stayed emotionally distant to begin with? That is a question I will ponder for years to come.

Learn more about this author, Tess Taylor.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Sibling silence: When adult siblings are estranged?
We want to hear your view. Write now!