For years, I taught a self-help course at my local adult school. At the end of the class, I always passed out a list of self-help books. Inevitably, at least one student would raise her hand and say, "I have read most of these books, and they don't help. I don't know what I'm doing wrong." Speaking to these students after class, I often discovered that they were stuck because they didn't understand one fundamental truthour lives don't get better when we read a book or go to a class; our lives get better when we put forth the effort to change.

Change is not only the solution to many of our problems, it is a natural process from which we get a feeling of self-worth and well-being. It feels good to change because we intuitively know this is the only way to reach our full potential.

Despite the importance of change, it is not always easy. There are countless stumbling blocks. Understanding these stumbling blocks is the first step in breaking them down and moving them out of the way.

Denial and Defense Mechanisms: Many times, we can't change because we adamantly deny that there is anything about us that needs to be changed. Denial is usually a defense mechanism. A defense mechanism is anything we think, say, or do to manage the feelings we want to avoid. Sometimes even our feelings are defense mechanisms against other feelings. For instance, I get angry to avoid fear and blame others for my problems to keep the fear at bay.

Breaking through denial happens when we are ready. Sometimes quietly, and sometimes in the middle of great chaos, we have a moment of clarity. They we remember something that someone told us years before, but we were afraid to acknowledge. Perhaps this will happen when we wake up one morning. Sadly, for those less fortunate, it will happen when a judge sentences them to a life in prison. During these moments, we will open our eyes and acknowledge the truth about our situation.

Perfectionism: We do not know if perfectionists are born or made. I know I have always been driven by some inner compulsion to do things over and over again until I get them "just right." Something deep within me gets great satisfaction from this. On the other hand, I remember my mother saying, "If it is worth doing, it is worth doing right." Perhaps trying to please her is also a part of my perfectionism. Whether perfectionism is good or bad, I do know it can be a stumbling block to change if we can't move forward because we are afraid of making mistakes.

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