John 5:5-8, The Living New Testament. One of the men lying there had been sick for 38 years. When Jesus saw him and knew how long he had been ill, He asked him, "Would you like to get well?" "I can't," the sick man said, "for I have no one to help me into the pool at the movement of the water. While I am trying to get there, someone else always gets in ahead of me." Jesus told him, "Stand up, roll up your sleeping mat and go on home."

I believe that to reach our full potential, and to serve Christ to an optimal degree, we must heal the wounds of our past. By wounds, I mean the legacy of neglect and abusesuch things as fear, anger, and shame. Healing our wounds also guarantees that we will not pass our pain on to others and destroy their lives. This is important to me because I carry around many wounds. Most of them are the legacy of a childhood filled with loneliness and depression.

Of course, it took me a long time to realize that I was being held back by my emotional problems, and, when I finally did, I still lacked the motivation to do anything about the situation. Then, one day, while discussing all of this with a friend, she asked me, "What holds you back from getting better? What do you think the block is?" Without thinking, I found myself blurting out, "I am afraid to get better. Mental health is unfamiliar. It is a mystery that lies beyond a closed door and I have no peep hole. That mystery feels like a beast ready to devour me if I open the door. What if getting better is worse than being sick? It can happen. Besides, I think I have bonded to my vision of myself as a victim. I prefer self-pity to self-esteem" "My friend looked at me in surprise, but before she could say anything I left. I really didn't want to talk about this because it made me feel ashamed.

Not long after this conversation, I sat down to read The Living Bible. Without thinking, I turned to the gospel of John. Soon, I got to the story of the sick man by the pool (John 5:6-8). I had read this story before, and liked it, but this time when I got to the words, "Would you like to get better?" a loud voice boomed in my head, "No." At first I was shocked by this passionate and spontaneous response to the question Jesus had posed, and I didn't know what to make of it. Then I remembered my earlier conversation with my friend.

As I began to reflect on this story in John, in terms of what I had revealed to my friend about my fear of getting better and my victim mentality,

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