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Satire: Understanding relationships

Battle of the Sexes

The subject of equality between men and women has been debated and challenged in virtually every forum available. From court rooms to talk radio, from newspapers to television specials, this topic, almost more than any other, is guaranteed to spark an opinion. Or an argument.

What's funny about this is that most people already agree on the subject. Talk to everybody you know, and most of them will acknowledge that in today's society, men and women do not share equality in all things. Don't ask any further questions though, because that's about where the agreement ends.

As I see it, there are two primary reasons for this.

1. Men do not know exactly what women want; and
2. Women do not know exactly what women want.

Oh sure, they'll tell you exactly what they want... and change their mind moments later. This puts the males of our society at a distinct disadvantage. We have no way of knowing if following directions is actually what we are supposed to do. It makes it impossible to even anticipate the correct course of action.

All that aside, I do have some concerns about finally reaching this Nirvana of equality. First of all, what are we as men and women going to argue about anymore? There'll be no more basis for the statement "You just don't understand me! I don't always want to solve a problem... sometimes I just want to talk about it." Usually for days.

Secondly, "I'm going out for a drink with the boys" becomes null and void. I'm going out for a drink with the boys and girls? The innkeepers of this country may go out of business. I shudder to think what that would do to the unemployment figures.

Two other questions come to mind, and these are perhaps the most telling. Does equality mean that men will have to start using the buddy system to go to the bathroom? And will there be urinals or only stools in all of the "equality approved" public restrooms?

Learn more about this author, Michael Raymond.
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