I like smoking. That's right, you heard me. Yes, I realize that saying that now, in this day and age is more or less the same thing as "I like poisoning myself and those around me," but even so...

Even with the warnings on the packs now that say, "Smoking will kill you, moron."

We've all got to go sometime, right? I admit, I don't like what it does to my lungs and my heart, but I know what quitting does to my brain. Luckily, nicotine is the only drug I've come across that has this effect on me. I can drink like a fish for days on end, smoke other things, take pills...all without any ugly desires for more.

I think this is due to the fact that I just don't enjoy them as much as I do cigarettes. And it's only cigarettes, oddly enough. Snuff, chewing tobacco, cigars - none of them does what cigarettes do for me.

All in all, I think cigarettes are going to be what kills me in the end. That or a morphine overdose to escape the pain of the lung cancer. But still. If it were a simple matter of physical dependence, I'd have quit long since. It's not. I really enjoy smoking. The deep inhalation, relishing that warm, furry smoke. The full exhalation, perhaps a smoke ring or two...

And honestly, all the laws and ever-increasing taxes just make me dig in my heels and continue to smoke out of pure obstinacy. As if second-hand smoke was any worse than driving down the freeway at rush hour.

One of these days, I may quit. Maybe. If my wife nags me enough. Or if God holds up His end of the bargain and I win the lottery. Otherwise my corpse will be as perfectly preserved as an Egyptian mummy from all the tar in my flesh.

Yeah. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Learn more about this author, William Bowman.
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