Dating at 40 What to Do?

What is dating anyway? It's a boy picking you up on your daddy's porch opening the screen door and seeing him standing there looking suspiciously like Billy Idol. Oh wait, that was the late 80's! Here I am looking at the ass of 40 and I at this toughened age am waiving my dating flag rather limply in the air. Excited? No not quite.

Does it help that my teenage son is also dating? No not quite. He very innocently asked me what "old" people do when they date. I don't know son I guess we'll take some Geritol and just hang around the senior citizen center.
And another thing my body I have had three children, sexy huh. I wouldn't trade my kids for flat abs and that is final (well maybe that teenager I referenced earlier). All the running (well I had to stop that due to early arthritis), dieting and sit ups will not give me that rockin bod I had at seventeen. So, I am thinking sex is out of the question unless I flex all my muscles then lay flat as a board so my "stuff" will all stay in place.
Okay, my girlfriends say, you have great legs show those off. Oh and your boobs are still up there, you know what I mean? Uh yes, that means my twins have a shelf life of five more years, right? You have to, just as in the 80's, show your assets. So for the first time since lying on the barn roof butt naked with baby oil and iodine I am tanning. Me ..uh tanning I like it, it's a twenty minute free nap. Well maybe not exactly free but averaged out about two dollars to nap in the middle of the day can't beat that and it hides the faint map lines on those great legs.
I'm ready, I actually have a date. I didn't even call him he called me. So why am I not so very excited? Let the games begin oh do we have to go there again? Shouldn't a benefit of being older and dating at this ripening age be defined by the maturity bestowed upon you by those years that not only aged your body but seasoned your wisdom? I would love to go on a date that wasn't going well and look at the guy and say "your total lack of conversational skills leaves me cold see ya and good luck", or what if I heard, "your fake tan reminds me of beef jerky see ya".
Okay, I am dressed I must go let the games begin AGAIN.

Learn more about this author, Stephanie Crowder-McDowell.
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