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Are my husband and I always of the same opinion? Of course we aren't. No matter how long we've been together, we regularly disagree on lots of issues like the best colour for new curtains, how strong coffee should be or where to go on holiday. Whenever one parent gets their way, the other reserves the right to grumble, and our children tend to be the audience for that.

I would decree that venting to my kids about their father is normal and acceptable and just up from criticising a grandparent's decision along the lines of "I told her that Rome in August would be too hot." Assuming there's a general atmosphere of affection and respect, uttering disapproval needn't be harmful. On the contrary, it can teach children how adults will eventually find compromises, compensate or make up.

There are some important provisos, though. Never use insults. Don't shout. And, tempting as it may be, never ever make the children take sides. It's an expression of your thoughts and feelings only, not a crusade to get their vote for the favourite or "better" parent. The other point to keep in mind is to vent in reverse: "Look at my bike now. Daddy is so brilliant at fixing things!" This is where separated parents often lose the right to vent.

Learn more about this author, Judith Otto.
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