by Liza Nuing

Created on: October 01, 2007

I am of the firm belief that the first step to finding the right partner is to know yourself. The right partner should complement you, not complete you. You need to be complete before the right person can find you. If you are looking for someone to fill in the blanks, so to speak, you should stop right now and take a time out.

A happy, secure person, who is comfortable in their own skin is likely to attract someone of a like mind. Even though they say opposites attract, it is the similarities between two individuals that will make a relationship last.

Having come out of quite a turbulent relationship a few years ago, this is particularly true for myself. I was younger, of course, and also naive, and extremely impatient. I didn't recognise that I was such in a hurry until it was too late. They say that love is patient. It is also selfless, and when it hit me that my demands were not a sign of love, I stepped back and let go. It took a while to get over but I look back now and know that it was a lesson I had to learn.

Back to the present, for once I can say without reservations that I am happy. My career is going well, I have just passed my final professional exam and I have my friends. I feel complete and soon there will be icing on my cake. There is someone in the wings, someone who was right under my nose (aren't they usually right where you should have seen them?), who has only just stepped out into the spotlight. There is no urgency, no driving need for his attention. I am secure knowing that he is there and I know that it is only a matter of time before we take the next step.

I don't know how or when I caught his attention. I only know that I was myself and I was comfortable. A lot of people lose themselves in a relationship. They bend and stretch and pour themselves into a mould for their partners. They give up friends and hobbies and so much of themselves. Of course, there should be some common ground, a shared interest for a couple. There should also be compromise, and the ability to communicate on all levels - emotionally and physically.

Being with someone takes up a lot of energy. If you don't know yourself, it can be downright exhausting. You want someone who will accept and understand you, warts and all. If you don't accept and understand yourself, how can they possibly even get close?

Know yourself. Be secure in who you are. Before you know it, love will find you.

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