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New & Old Friends

Harsh realities: Outgrowing friendships

Over the years, many friends have come and gone. Some of them were deep and some of them were more acquantanceships. Somehow, life changes, and as life changes some things move out of our life as other things move in.

With some friendships, one person matures or goes in a different direction, and the connection severs. With other friendships, betrayal or something similar make the relationship toxic, and we choose to walk away for the sake of our own mental health. Circumstances can cause other friendships to wane. Changing churches, addresses, and such are examples. If you have a friend who you know from one place, say work, and you or she no longer work there, chances are the friendship will not survive.

With those types of frienships, we mean to keep in touch. We have good intentions, but as life fills up, those friendships slide into the background to eventually dissappear altogether. It's sad, but it is the nature of our life in a fast moving society.

Then there are the friendships that last. These are those that have a basis in something real. They are the ones we are committed to holding on to. We are willing to go the extra mile to stay in touch even though our lives may have taken divergent paths. I have a few friends like this. One is a friend from fifth grade. We are still friends today because our friendship is able to breathe. In other words, when we can be together, we pick up as if we had just seen one another the day before. When we part, we know when life allows us to see them again, we will pick up the friendship again.

Fortunately, e-mail makes it much easier to keep in touch with friends and make new friends. Friendships are important to mental health, and sometimes they take a little work to keep together. But sometimes, we just have to let them go and move on. We mourn the loss and place them in a special place in our memory, but we do not seek them out again. We move on.

I've had more of these in my life than I care to have, but I am grateful for my 'breathing' friends who will be in my life from time to time till we're gone. Because of the losses I've had, I am also grateful for the time I have with each friend that comes along. You don't know how long you will have as friends. I cherish each moment, and then I say goodbye or see you later.

In reality, most friendships don't really go away, they just pass on to a different level as circumstances take us apart and we grow in different directions. These friendships live on in our memory long after the connection is gone.

Learn more about this author, Angela S. Young.
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